


Ease My Mind

by ASingleHeartSings



Category: Naruto
Genre: Childbirth, F/M, Female Uzumaki Naruto, Forced Orgasm, Gen, Graphic and Explicit Depiction of the Rape of a Minor in First Chapter: Proceed at Your Own Risk, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Loss of Virginity, Mental Health Issues, Mind Control, Mutual Non-Con, Parenthood, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Suicidal Thoughts, Teen Pregnancy, Trust Issues, Underage Sex, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-17
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-06-28 22:28:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 31,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15716364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ASingleHeartSings/pseuds/ASingleHeartSings
Summary: "Not all of our scars are worn on the outside..."When a horrible incident occurs, Kakashi and Naruko must perform the formidable task of putting the shattered remains of themselves back together, which proves to be even more daunting when they find that there's more than justtheirlives at stake...





	1. Erratum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Chapter title (Latin) translation: "Error"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  ***PLEASE HEED THE TAGS.***  
>  This story involves the graphic and explicit rape of an underage girl in the first chapter. Proceed at your own risk.

Luck is an interesting concept. Certain people seem to be born with a huge amount of it. Almost as though the very laws of the universe bend to their will. Somehow everything they wish for falls into place with the utmost ease. They’ve hardly struggled through any significant hardship and life is easy-rolling for the most part.

And then there is Kakashi.

A man made of a series of tragedies who, somehow, finds a way to survive the fallout. The man who somehow always manages to dodge the bullet.

There have been so many times when he _should_ have died. Where he kept narrowly escaping death with seemingly no harm towards his person. Yes, it seems he always finds a way to survive the fallout.

But those around him are rarely so lucky.

A father, a friend, another friend, a mentor. One after the other, they fall like dominoes. Yet and still, he somehow keeps moving. He resigns himself to solitude if only to spare the population from this cloud of death that seemingly follows him.

After a person is burned so many times, it makes sense that they would take precautions afterward.

He tries, ever so carefully, to filter out those he keeps close, but when he looks down at his three students, he realizes that his efforts were doomed from the start.

Even with attempts to be detached and stoic, the brats found someway to get under his skin.

Sometimes he feels as though he’s looking in a mirror at his past self with the Uchiha. Dark and mysterious. Serious. Haughty. Arrogant. Prideful. Hurt. Insecure. An aura telling anyone near to not get too close.

He would be lying if he said that he didn’t somewhat neglect the bubblegum pink, fan-girling menace. Smart. Aggressive. Stubborn. Selfish. Fanciful. Despite her personality and his negligence, he finds himself caring for her as well.

Then comes the emotional juggernaut. The girl whose existence is a constant reminder of his consistent failures. With bright, wild, curly, short golden hair and skin deeply tanned by the sun, she is a child of the sky. Beautiful, as both her parents once were.

And entirely too difficult to look at, even during the best of times.

She’s like the physical amalgam of two ghosts. The soft, noble, cherub-like face of Kushina with the bright and lively coloring from Minato. Seeing her feels like a kick to the diaphragm. Looking into her eyes is even worse.

Eyes that seek approval. Acknowledgment. Desperation buried deep down behind too-wide smiles. He sees a bone-deep loneliness that is all too difficult for him to accept.

She is malnourished. Her small body is utterly consumed by the jacket she wears. She is much shorter than she should be at the tender age of twelve. No doubt the lack of nutrients and nurturing has stunted her growth. It must be the Kyuubi’s power that has helped her grow at all with a diet of only ramen.

It didn’t have to be this way.

He could have been there. But he couldn't have. The numb, passively-suicidal, shell of a person he became after his sensei’s death would never have been able to handle a child. Too caught up in himself, to caught up in his grief.

But perhaps he could have just been around her occasionally. Maybe even smiling at her a few times would have been enough. Or perhaps given her a few kind words. Ultimately, the Hokage didn’t ban any and all interaction. Even the most minuscule gesture probably would have meant the world to an abandoned and lonely child such as she.

But he didn’t.

And he can't change the past.

In the present, however... she is _loud_.

Mischievous. Energetic. Steadfast. Silly. Impulsive. Bull-headed. Emotional. Uneducated. Sometimes annoying. Naive. Cheerful. Innocent. Attention-seeking. Kind. Idealistic.

Somehow, her ignorance of his past with her parents and just how deeply he has betrayed her with his negligence makes interacting with her even worse.

He had dreaded the idea of teaching her. After failing her parents, he could only assume he would find some way to cause her doom as well.

It is a little easier to be around her than it was in the beginning. The sting of past failures doesn’t come as quickly when he looks at her now.

But fear and cowardice still drive him to avoid her.

Avoids her eyes. Avoids her presence.

He knows that she notices. Can see the cold, knowing look in her eyes whenever he does it. She probably concludes that his behavior is favoritism as he oh-so-often turns his attention to her rival’s betterment. Or perhaps she thinks him no better than the villagers in their disregard and contempt. He could clarify the situation. He could reassure her.

But he is a coward. He does not correct her misconceptions.

He feels that he deserves any derision or resentment that will eventually come from his behavior.

Despite all this, he thinks he can somehow make up for his past negligence through his meager efforts. He couldn’t be the big brother Minato wanted him to be for her, but perhaps he could be a good teacher, guide, and mentor. Keep her safe and sound.

He teaches her chakra control exercise to do on her own. How to tree walk during that mission in the Land of Waves. He hopes that this method of teaching her while keeping her at arm’s length will be a good compromise. That it will be _enough_.

It isn’t. He know that it won't ever be. But he still hopes.

Team 7 carries on like this for months. Constant bickering between the two rivals as the odd one out fawns and faints over one while bruising and berating the other whilst their mildly attentive sensei reads porn in the background.

Regardless of the grief they give, he cannot deny their importance to him.

* * *

It’s always on the most boring, routine days that everything falls to shit.

Lately, Team 7 had been focusing on taijutsu and ninjutsu practice.  They had only gone on one more mission after the Land of Waves and Kakashi thought it high time for them to do another. So, they went to the Mission’s Desk for another D-rank.

It started out simple enough.

There was an old, large, and abandoned shrine in the far-off boundaries of the village. Past the gates and a little into the surrounding forest. It was long overdue for a cleaning and even though it had already previously been casually combed for useful items, there was to be another, more thorough sweep done to catalogue the items within. It seemed like simple work, so Team 7 headed out for the abode early the next day.

The mission began uneventfully. They decided to clean the shrine from the inside out. There was a lot of ground to cover, so the three students got started early while waiting for their ever-late sensei.

By the time Kakashi showed up, they were nearly completely done with the cleaning portion of the mission.  

It was around early afternoon and they were cleaning out the front entryway when Naruko and Sasuke started arguing as usual. Soon, Sakura decided to unnecessarily come to Sasuke’s defense. Kakashi sighed to himself and turned another page of his Icha Icha, adamantly determined to ignore his students’ inane bickering and antics.

A couple of minutes of shouting later and Kakashi was alerted out of his reading trance by the sound of objects breaking along with Sakura’s scream. He quickly dashed over to his students to investigate what happened.

He was shocked to discover Sasuke had a large gash in his leg from a piece of fallen pottery and Sakura had a huge red bump on her forehead. Naruko stood there gazing down at Sasuke and Sakura with a shocked look on her face.

“What-,” Kakashi started, but Naruko rapidly rambled out a defense.

“I didn’t do anything I swear!” she yelled.

“It’s all my fault, sensei,” Sakura began with tears in her eyes. “They were fighting, and I got a little carried away and grabbed Sasuke’s arm. We fell over and then-,” she trails off knowing the result of her actions are evident.

Sasuke slaps her fussing hands away from him and tries to check on the wound.

Kakashi swiftly dropped to his knees to study Sasuke’s injury. It was deep and bleeding rather profusely. He swears to himself and stands to his feet.

“Get on my back,” He orders, gearing up to head to the hospital.

“Why would I need your help? I can get there on my own!” Sasuke snaps.

Kakashi resists the urge to roll his eyes, “Look, you're bleeding out right now, and you're going to let your pride get in the way of having medical attention? It’s easier and more efficient for me to just take you there. Or can you make it there in time if you try on your own?”

Sasuke looks angry and pensive and Kakashi has had just about enough of the attitude at this point.

“Hey, you can go ahead and bleed to death while slowly limping your way down to the hospital. Your choice. I just thought there were certain things you wanted to do before dying. Something about killing a certain man, I think?…” Kakashi trails off knowing he caught the canary.

Sasuke’s eyes widen with rage for a moment before he briefly sucks his teeth and concedes his cooperation with a glare and an Obligatory Uchiha “Hn” and grumpily gets on Kakashi’s back.

As soon as Sasuke is secured, Kakashi reaches behind Sakura and picks her up bridal style.

“Wah! Sensei?”

“You have a head injury and you need to get checked if you have a concussion,” Kakashi explains.

“Naruko, you coming?” he inquires while running off.

She shakes herself out of her stupor and runs after them.

* * *

After about three hours Kakashi and Naruko leave a battered Sakura and injured Sasuke behind at the hospital for overnight supervision. It’s late Summer, so the sun has already started to set.

“Nee, Sensei. We should probably finish up with the shrine, right?” Naruko asks.

Kakashi stops walking, surprised at the question. He’d forgotten they left before completing the mission. There were still items to catalogue. Damn, he had just been ready to head home. Not to mention that going would mean having to be alone with Naruko which is bound to trigger some flashbacks and annoying emotions he would rather have avoided today.

“Hmm, I suppose I couldn’t talk you out of just waiting ‘til tomorrow?” He asks tentatively.

“Nope!” she answers cheerfully. “I have to visit that bastard and Sakura-chan in the morning to make sure they’re okay. I promised them I would! And besides, we basically finished all the cleaning! All we have to do is write down the items. That shouldn’t be too bad.”

Kakashi puts his head back, looks up at the darkening sky, and heaves out his loudest, most dramatic sigh.

“Oi, you shouldn’t be complaining! You sat on your ass all day!” She points and chastises him.

“Naru-chan is so cruel…” he replies as they turn and head in the direction of the shrine.

* * *

It’s near midnight before they get anywhere close to finished with the cataloguing.

Kakashi, used to sleepless nights and hasn't worked all day, is functioning just fine albeit a bit bored with the dull work. Naruko on the other hand, who has yet to fully adjust to shinobi scheduled sleep and has been working endlessly since before dawn that morning, is nearly dead on her feet. The work has been slow going the past couple of hours, but they both keep trudging on. There’s one last desk for Naruko to clear out.

Naruko spies a handle below one of the drawers and pulls it, but it won’t budge. When she looks down, she sees that it is seemingly unattached to a drawer. She pulls it again out of curiosity and a symbol glows on it before fading away.

“Umm, Kaka-sensei, there’s this weird handle thingy but it doesn’t do anything except glow.”

Kakashi, obviously confused, walks over from where he had been organizing the last of the scrolls and kneels next to Naruko to inspect what she’s talking about. When he looks, he sees nothing.

“...Nee, Naru-chan, it’s too late to be playing pranks on your poor, old sensei,” he jokes.

Naruko squints at him and points at the handle, “Wha-? I’m not pranking. This handle won’t do anything.”

Kakashi looks at her for a second to really make sure she’s not joking then looks back down to where her hand is gesturing. “Naruko, there’s nothing there,” he says, a little concerned for her mental well-being now. _‘Perhaps she really has been up too long…’_ he thinks to himself while studying the redness and creases around her eyes.

She looks annoyed at his dismissal, then pulls at the handle to get the symbol to glow again.

Kakashi nearly jumps out of his skin when he sees the seal that suddenly appears.

“What? How did you do that?”

“Like I said. I pulled the handle,” she explains, tiredly.

 _‘How is it that only she can see it? Maybe the Kyuubi?’_ he thinks before reaching out and examining the suspicious seal.

It seems to be primarily for containment. Its makeup looks fairly complicated, but it appears less foolproof than modern-day simplified seals. Kakashi takes a moment to remember one of his sensei’s old fuuinjutsu rants. Oftentimes, older seals had more of an artistic element that made them look more sophisticated than they were. At the time sealing was considered an art-form as well as a method of attack and defense, so beauty was just as important as practicality when using the skill. Nowadays, fuuinjutsu specialists were more inclined to use streamlined seals rather than the frou-frou types of the past.

If he remembers correctly, pulling apart a seal like this is akin to pulling a particular thread on a shirt that somehow winds away the whole fabric. He carefully searches for the right brushstroke to tug at. After a few minutes, he thinks he may have it figured out. He turns to Naruko, who’s been casually leaning back staring off into space trying to stay awake.

“Naru, sit back, I’m gonna try and open this thing.”

“Eh? Yeah, okay, whatever,” she says and scoots herself across the floor a little bit away from him.

Kakashi uses his chakra to carefully pull at the specific brush stroke and the whole seal starts to rapidly disappear in a counter-clockwise motion. When the seal fully disappears, he can finally see the handle Naruko must have been talking about as well as the outline of a thin drawer.

“Woah, that drawer wasn’t there before,” she states while looking over curiously.

Kakashi pulls open the cubby to find a few little trinkets. “Most of these must be over a hundred years old,” he mutters while carefully taking them out of the drawer.

There are a couple of tiny figurines. One in the shape of a horse, another in the shape of dragonfly. He puts those aside and pulls the dresser out further. There seems to be a faded letter and old pearl and jade necklace as well. The words on the letter are indiscernible, at least to the naked eye. He can probably study it with his Sharingan later or turn it into T&I. He reaches to the back and just when he’s about to pull his hand completely out his finger grazes over something behind the back of the drawer. Curious, he pulls the entire drawer out of the desk and grasps at the object. When he pulls back, he sees an item that looks like a cylindrical ring box. He slowly opens it and finds that the only thing in it is a radiantly shining, light blue jewel.

“Wow, all this hullabaloo for a shiny rock,” Naruko scoffs, apparently unimpressed. She raises her arms above her head, stretches, and yawns while slowly shifting up and walking towards their catalogue of items. “I’ll just list all the stuff here then we can free of this dump,” she says with groggy cheerfulness as she slowly drudges away while Kakashi studies the stone.

If he didn’t know any better, he’d say it was a priceless moonstone. But, why something like this would be locked up in a dusty, old shrine is a mystery to him. "It's giving off some kind of aura..." he mumbles to himself.

The shine coming from the jewel seems somewhat unnatural. It looks almost like frosted glass. He slowly extends his hand towards and lightly rests it on top. A flash of bright light erupts from the stone nearly blinding him. His eye closes reflexively, and he quickly stands up and drops the box. The stone breaks into pieces on the floor.

“What?! Kaka-sensei, what happened?” Naruko inquires, but he can’t hear her quite well right now.

His entire head feels stuffy like he’s in a fog. It feels almost like one of the times he’s been poisoned on a mission. He tries to open his eyes and focus, but everything seems like it’s moving.

“Kakashi-sensei?” Naruko’s voice sounds like it’s echoing through his skull. He feels no pain, just confusion.

“Naru…” he says, sluggishly. He looks around for her and sees her concerned face below him. _‘When did she get so close?’_

Once he has her in his sights, it’s like his vision clears instantaneously. Everything else around her still seems out of focus, but he can see her easily.

The fog feels like it’s lifting, but he still doesn’t feel _right_.

“Sensei, seriously, what’s going on?” she asks suddenly.

Hearing her voice clearly for the first time since opening the box, his entire body jerks. He walks over to her and sets his hands on her small shoulders to steady himself, “Sensei is okay, Naru-chan,” he says while not really believing it himself.

He realizes he’s rubbing her shoulders and pulls her against his body in a hug. Her body turns rigid in his arms and he pulls her even closer.

“Umm, sensei what are you doing?” Naruko asks, wariness breaking through her fatigue.

 _‘I don’t know,’_ he thinks to himself, but he feels oddly compelled to continue.

His hand starts to caress her back and side while his other starts rubbing circles on her nape. He looks down at her and sees her little, confused face. He starts zoning in on her eyes, then focuses on her mouth. The hand on her side starts inching closer to her chest.

He’s starting to feel heat pool to his groin and becoming lightheaded with arousal.

He’s thinking about how it would feel to kiss her and is about to move his hand and rub his finger along her lower lip when a moment of lucidity returns to him and he realizes just what he’s doing. He pushes Naruko away from him so fiercely that she falls on the floor.    

 _‘What the fuck?! Why was I looking at her like-? Shit, oh god, no,’_ he looks down at Naruko and then his own hands in horror as he tries to control himself and will away whatever compulsion the stone has caused.

 _“_ What the heck is going on?!” Naruko asks, confused and quite a bit frightened. Understandably so, considering how strange his behavior has been.  

“Naruko, you need to run,” Kakashi says with urgency.

“Eh? Why would I-,” Naruko starts, but Kakashi cuts her off.

“You _need_ to _run_!” he barks, stunning Naruko into silence. “I can’t-,” he begins and then slumps and clutches his head for a moment while Naruko slowly backs away with wide eyes. “You have to do everything to protect yourself. If you need to attack me, just do it and keep me away from you-damn it!” he mumbles.

Naruko’s confliction on whether to stay and help with whatever’s ailing her sensei or obeying him keeps her almost rooted to the spot. Kakashi stumbles a few steps towards her before he grabs onto the edge of the desk to keep himself back. He snaps his head up and sees her still standing there, terrified.

 _“GO!”_ he yells with enough force to get her ass into gear.

* * *

 

* * *

 

She finally darts out of the shrine and starts running through the forest with haste. But, her fatigue has caught up with her and she is much slower than she would be regularly. Still, her fear drives her to keep going.

She’s only had about a minute of a head start, which isn’t much at all considering that she’s moving at a much slower pace. She’s also shorter and less skilled than the one she is supposed to be running from, so it all feels almost futile to her. Even so, she keeps going, but soon her enhanced hearing picks up on the rapid pace of her sensei’s jumping through the trees.

 _‘Shit,’_ she thinks to herself. Her adrenaline is keeping her going, but it’s not enough. Her heart is pounding in her ears and everything feels so ominous. Her energy is waning again and she can hear him closing in on her. Only a couple more minutes and she'll be at the gates.

 _‘Just a little bit further. Come on!’_ she pushes herself, but her panic is taking over her senses.

In her rush, she trips over the root of a tree and crash-lands on the forest ground. Her cheek skids across the ragged grass leaving a burning scrape across the left side of her face.

While trying to hurriedly pick herself up, she hears the whoosh of winds above her and suddenly Kakashi is standing right there. He has a strange, intense look in his eyes that only serves to further ignite her anxiety.

They have an odd stand-off until Kakashi begins making his way towards her.

‘He _did_ tell me to attack him,’ she thinks to herself and reluctantly creates thirty clones for defense.

Kakashi wastes no time in disposing of the clones. She keeps creating more and he keeps running through them with ease. It doesn’t help that her clones are just as fatigued as she is. Fear is clouding her brain and she can’t think clearly enough to work out any practical strategy. Kakashi keeps mowing down her clones as though he’s wading through air.

She’s nearly at the end of her reserves when Kakashi, seemingly done playing games, looks into her eyes with his Sharingan. She doesn’t feel anything happen but realizes that she can no longer pull at her chakra. Terrified, she tries a last ditch effort to call on the Kyuubi, but she can’t do that either. It’s as though he put some sort of block in her mind.*

 _‘Damn it! Why didn’t I look away?!’_ she laments.

Kakashi kicks her in the abdomen, hard enough that her breath escapes her, and sends her skidding across the forest floor again. She’s utterly exhausted at the point, but she’s still struggling to get up and defend herself.

He walks over to her shaking form and picks her up by the collar. She feels him grasp his arms around her torso and dash them further away from the gates and back into the forest towards the shrine.

At this point, Naruko can’t hold back the tears anymore. She doesn’t understand what’s happening or why. The fright is near overwhelming and she’s so confused and tired.

She futilely tries to struggle out of his hold, but he has an iron grip on her.

They land back in front of the shrine and he rapidly drags them in inside.

There’s a small futon mattress they catalogued earlier that he throws her onto with little care.

She reaches behind herself to gain leverage to lean up, but he stumbles on top of her before she gets the chance.

“Sensei, please tell me what’s going on,” she sobs out, but he doesn’t seem to be hearing her anymore.

He wraps his arms around Naruko and just holds her for a minute. His breathing is ragged in her ear and he’s nuzzling under her jaw. A surprisingly tender moment after his aggressiveness during the battle they just had outside. She can’t make out his expression from this angle, but her concern escalates with each passing moment of stillness. Naruko is not certain what to think since her sensei’s behavior has been causing her serious emotional whiplash for the past hour.

“Sens-,” she begins and huffs in surprise when he rips open her orange jacket. He pulls off his mask, deeply breathes in her scent, and starts to mouth at her neck.

Her eyes are as wide as can be as she tries to wrap her head around what’s happening. Under normal circumstances, she would jump at a chance to see the mystery that is his face, but she can’t even pay attention to that since this whole situation is so beyond disturbing. She is utterly bewildered, and all she knows is that he’s making her feel extremely uncomfortable with his actions.

He is panting and starts sucking at her skin. She squirms against his hands, but he has them locked down on her upper arms. His left hand moves under her shirt and fondles the skin underneath her breast.

That’s when her body goes rigid and her brain finally catches up and pieces together what’s been happening and what’s going to happen.

“…No, no, nonono, no way, no fucking way, you bastard! Sensei, stop!” she musters up all the energy from this last burst of adrenaline and tries to push him off. She succeeds in getting him to fall off to the side and she madly attempts to scramble away, but he grabs her leg and drags her back.

“No, no, no,” she cries to herself as he puts her back in the position she was in before. He kneels between her legs and his mouth latches onto her neck again. Her attempted punches prove ineffective and his positioning makes it impossible for her to kick him. This time, instead of maneuvering underneath the shirt, he elects to just rip it off completely. She has the immediate urge to cover herself even though she still has on a training bra, but when she makes a move to do so, he slams her hands back down onto the mattress. His hand slides down to and caresses her hip for a moment, then moves up to her small budding breast. She shivers and the contact in both revulsion and fear.

Naruko knew about this stuff. She had been able to escape this sort of defilement when she was younger, but some of the other orphans weren’t so lucky.  She thinks of what the unfortunate children used to whisper of doing to cope. She tries to think about other things, about anything other than what’s happening right now. Perhaps, if it was a stranger, it would be easier. But this is Kakashi-sensei. Someone she’s supposed to trust and he’s-

She gasps as she feels him rip off her training bra. Her arms are free now and she tries to push him off again, but any strength she could have to do so is gone. He fondles her breasts for a while. Playing with their small weight and tugging at the nipples. His mouth travels down her chest and he takes one of her peaks in his mouth and moans, then slides one of his hands down past her navel.

The licking sensation feels strange and she desperately wants it to stop. Naruko twists and turns but her hips are locked in place by him lodged between her legs. He slips his hand past the waistband of her pants and underwear and travels across her mound to her cunt. Her entire body jolts when she feels his fingers slide against her clit and down her slit to prod at her opening. All of it feels so unreal. She almost feels outside of her body while it’s happening, but the shock of his touch keeps bringing her back.

Seemingly annoyed with her clothing, he crawls backwards a bit to strip her bottom garments. She tries again to back away, but he just uses her momentum to slide the pants and underwear off faster, then forcefully pulls her back towards him by her hips.

The tears are coming heavier now and her face burns with shame. She has never felt so exposed, humiliated, or violated. The feeling of utter helplessness and powerlessness is horrifying as she watches him feverishly examine her still developing body.

He starts to move his hand to finger her again when his body suddenly halts. A beat of silence passes in the shrine where only Naruko’s quiet sobs can be heard.

Kakashi has a single moment of lucidity where he snaps out of his haze realizes the gravity of what he’s doing. He looks down on her tear-stricken, distraught, face and crumbles.

“Oh, god, Naruko. No, no. God, I’m sorry,” he apologizes though he feels he has no right to and rests his forehead on her collarbone.

This only makes her sob harder. She feels like she’s going crazy from all this madness. _‘How could everything change so quickly? Why?’_ She looks into his eye for the first time since all this started and can see a thin blue sheen over it. _‘Like that rock…,’_ she notes faintly. He has his Sharingan closed, so she can’t tell if it has a blue sheen over it as well. 

“Naru-,” he starts, but his moment of lucidity is over, the compulsion takes over again and a growl erupts from his chest as he looks back down at her small, pliant body. His hands go back to their respective places and he starts to finger her in earnest while mouthing at her chest again. He rubs relentlessly at her clit while steadily moving a single digit in and out of her.

She’s never had anything inside of her and the pain of the intrusion of the finger only makes this whole experience that much more excruciating.

After a couple of minutes, he removes his hands and begins undressing himself. He hastily sheds his vest and sweater. Then he sits up and quickly kicks off his shinobi boots, pants, and underwear.

 _‘Another chance to escape,’_ she idly muses, but all the fight in her has died at this point. She lays there. Still, obedient, and defeated.

Lastly, he pulls off his hitai-ate. She lies there motionless and watches with wet, teary eyes as he takes his cock and starts rubbing himself against her thigh. Her eyes widen, and she realizes with dread that he intends to somehow fit that inside her. _‘There’s no way,’_ she thinks, distressed. There’s absolutely no way he could fit, especially considering his size in comparison to her body.

She can barely keep up with what happening anymore.

He starts to finger her again but seems to be getting impatient. He attempts to put in two fingers. The pain is horrendous. She reflexively tries to push his hand away to discourage him, but he’s immovable and just keeps going. The pain is awful, she feels like she’s being split open. The sobs start up again as he forces his fingers into her.

When she feels thinks she’s going to pass out from the pain, he starts rubbing her pearl again, but it’s not enough to distract her from the ache. Before she’s even able to get used to the agony of the second finger, he swiftly slips them both out of her, lines his member up to her entrance and slides into her in one go.

He moans in pleasure.

She screams in agony.

Kakashi muffles her quickly with his hand.  Whispers gentle shushes and meaningless reassurances in her ear. He softly caresses her side while she cries.

She feels like someone speared her cunt with a knife. Even as just a genin, she’s accustomed to cuts, stabs, punches, and bruises. But a pain this deep and intimate is something she’s not used to.

She looks down, and through her tears, makes out the blurry image of blood between her legs smeared on her inner thighs and the base his shaft.

Kakashi just stays like that for a moment, unmoving, while panting and mumbling incoherent swears to himself.

“So _tight_ ,” she discerns from amidst his whispered babble, though she has no clue what he means.

He grips her hips firmly and slowly begins to move. Steadily rocks himself into her. She’s barely able to keep her voice down at the dreadful burn. Naruko stares up with tear-glazed eyes at his chest, light-headed and dazed at the pain, at the reality of the situation. Her hands are grasping at the material of the mattress beneath her as leverage against his pounding. She wonders how long she will have to endure this.

After a couple of minutes of Kakashi roughly rutting her, he pauses for a second and readjusts her legs to lay above his hips. He pats at her thighs, seemingly requesting that she keep them there. She complies, if only to end this faster.

He gently rubs at her bud again while pumping into her deeper and faster than before. The force of his hips jostles her entire body every time he pushes forward.

After a while, her pain, thankfully, starts to ebb a bit. It still hurts, but it isn’t unbearable anymore. With his continuous ministrations, she finds herself feeling some sort of pleasant pressure from his movements now. She feels somewhat conflicted. After all, she doesn’t want to feel good during this, not by this blatant abuse. But a part of her feels mildly grateful for the reprieve from the torment for a moment. After the chaos and stress of tonight, she welcomes any pleasure that can be found in this mess. Her sobs gradually turn to quiet whimpers.

Kakashi’s movements get more desperate and determined as time goes on. The soft, little gasps and whines Naruko makes urges him on.

She moves her hands from grasping at the material underneath her to clutching at his shoulders as she feels her body tensing beyond her control. She doesn’t understand what’s happening to her, but at this point, she’s beyond caring. Her heart is pounding faster as she feels her tunnel constricting tighter and tighter around his prick. There’s a tangible slick and smooth glide of his length inside of her now. Her sobs have become ones of pleasure and they get louder as she feels herself reach that precipice. She looks up at him and sees him watching her with both eyes.

And then she breaks.

She moans as she cums. Kakashi quickly covers her mouth with his own to catch the sound of her voice. Her body lifts from the mattress as she convulses from orgasm and her vision whites out for a second. She tightens impossibly around the cock inside of her and Kakashi swiftly follows her and cums with a rumbling groan. He fills her with his seed and she can feel the warm liquid spreading deep within her. In time, the aftershocks taper off, leaving both parties exhausted.

Naruko drops back to the mattress like a puppet with its strings cut, fast asleep before her head even hits the padding. Kakashi’s shinobi instinct leads him to at least set a protective seal before the last of the compulsion fades away and he too succumbs to the abyss.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Note: Kakashi did not subdue the Kyuubi, he basically messed with her mind using the Sharingan making her unable to reach or speak to him.
> 
> This story idea has been cropping up in my head since the tail end of last year, and I've had the first couple of chapters floating around in my hard drive for months, so I just decided "Why not?" and posted. I'm not really a writer, but I thought it would be nice to put my thoughts down on paper. I apologize in advance for any mistakes. 
> 
> I tried to emphasize just how horrific this whole experience was for Naruko. Healing from this debacle is going to be quite a feat for both of them. I hope you're all ready for the journey. I have a general idea of the structure of this story, but for the most part I'm winging it. Wish me luck.


	2. Retributeonem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Chapter title (Catalan) translation: "Retribution"_

Kakashi wakes to the melodious sounds of chirping birds and summer cicadas. That was the best sleep he’s had in a while. He’s tempted to just lay there as he is, comfortable and content, but the early morning sunlight is piercing past his closed eyelids. He squints his eyes open and at the first sign that he is not in his apartment, he is immediately alert.

The peace of the morning is shattered as all the memories of last night come rushing back to the forefront of his mind. He freezes in horror and his brain screeches to a halt as he is bombarded with images of the violation of his student.

He suddenly realizes that he is laying on top of something. Dreading it yet seeing no alternative, he peers down and sees what he was hoping, against all odds, he wouldn’t. Naruko’s sleeping, tear-stained face underneath him.

He’s about to jump away from her when he realizes-

 _‘Oh god,’_ he thinks with revulsion at himself as he looks down and sees that he’s still lodged inside her.

He ever-so-carefully and slowly slides out of her and tries his best not to jostle her sleeping body. As soon as he’s free, he gently lowers her legs to the ground and scrambles back and away from her.

He feels numbed by shock as he gazes down at the futon and sees the mixture of dried blood and cum splattered between her legs and on the futon.

Realizing he’s only further defiling her by basically ogling her naked form, he desperately looks about for some kind of blanket to cover her with. Next to her, all he finds are the tattered remains of her orange jacket and shirt. Her pants are the most intact, but even those are now ripped at the waistband. He glances around, finds and grasps a nearby prayer shawl he spots and drapes it over her. He grabs the rest of his clothes and jumps out the nearest window to the backyard of the shrine.

As soon as his feet land on grass, his knees give out from under him. He drops to the ground and puts his head in his hands. His numbness from shock gives way to utter despair. He feels bile rise in his throat and his eyes start to sting. He hasn’t cried in years. It’s probably been over a decade since, but he starts silently sobbing into his hands.

“Damn it, damn it, damn it! Why?!” he whispers harshly to himself and punches the ground with his fist.

He feels like he’s going insane. How can he possibly fix this? Why is he destined to destroy everyone close to him, everyone he’s supposed to protect?

 _‘She’s just a kid,’_ he thinks to himself in dismay. Memories of her cries and screams won’t stop running through his head. Recollection of her pleas for him to stop and her struggles to get away keep bombarding his mind. It doesn’t help that somewhere in the middle of it all, he opened his Sharingan.  Now those visions are etched in his mind forever.

_‘Oh god, what would sensei say?’_

He kneels there and cries for a few minutes, repeatedly banging his head against the grassy earth.

 _‘What the fuck am I supposed to do?’_ he wonders. _‘There’s a twelve-year-old girl in there that’s just been … raped by her sensei. How the hell am I supposed to make this right?’_

The only response he receives are the morning sounds of nature.

He’s so very tempted to just run and let Naruko decide for herself how to approach him, but that would possibly be the most selfish, cowardly thing he could do in this situation and he’s automatically ashamed of himself for even thinking of abandoning her out here like this.

After about an hour of distress, he resolves to at least try to get his emotions under control. He looks over and sees the shinobi fatigues he brought with him and figures that putting on some clothes would be a good start.

When he’s finished getting dressed, he contemplates whether he should put his mask back on or not. He thinks it would be cowardly to try and hide his face after what he’s done, so he decides against putting it on, idly prays to somehow find the strength to survive this inevitable confrontation, and mentally prepares to wake Naruko up.

Kakashi reluctantly heads back into the shrine. However, when his foot lands inside the room, he halts and stands stock still.

Naruko is awake.

Whether she is aware of his presence, he doesn’t know, but he can see her profile. She’s sitting up right where he left her, prayer shawl clutched to her chest and gazing at the stains on the mattress. She has a blank look on her face, like she’s in a trance.

Kakashi has never felt so lost in his life. He takes a slight step forward, trying to make the least amount of noise to not disturb the silence. However, when his foot falls, the floorboards creak loudly, snapping Naruko out of whatever daze she’s in.

Her head snaps towards him, alerted of his presence. When she sees his face, her entire body flinches. He can feel the burst of fear pour out of her chakra. She grasps the shawl tighter and tries to scramble away.

Kakashi raises his hands non-threateningly and takes a step back. He figures she would feel less threatened if he’s not standing above her, so he lowers himself to the ground onto his knees.

Naruko clambers to the farthest corner away from him. She folds her knees up to her chest and grips her head in her hands.

Needless to say, he doesn’t know how to approach this without making it worse. When he looks closely, he can see her trembling and silent tears falling down her cheeks.

“Naruko,” he starts softly, but she recoils violently again at the sound of his voice. Pushing through the overwhelming guilt and sickness he feels in his stomach, he tries again. “Naruko, I’m not going to hurt you.” The silent ' _again'_ is implied. Her reaction is hardly unwarranted, especially considering the mental breakdown he just had earlier and is still recovering from. He figures that patience is essential right now, so he settles in to wait.

They stay like that for a long while until Naruko’s trembling fades and her tears gradually stop falling, although her body remains tense. After she calms down, they are silent for some time. Eventually, she removes her hands from her head and hugs the shawl closer to her body. She warily turns to look at Kakashi, but once she raises her gaze to him, her eyes flinch and she looks away.

She starts whispering something and if Kakashi was anything other than a shinobi and a Hatake, he wouldn’t have been able to hear her.

“Your face…” she murmurs.

He is confused for a few moments before understanding dawns on him and he wishes he could kick himself in the head. Of course, she wouldn’t want to see his face. The first time she had seen it had been when he was assaulting her. He was so concerned about the morality of whether to put the mask on that he didn’t consider the emotional impact of showing his face to her after everything that just happened.

Kakashi with the mask is her trusted sensei. Without the mask, he’s the man who assaulted and forced her. Trying to reconcile the two images would be too much to ask of her right now, especially when the wound is still so fresh.

Once he realizes this, he swiftly reaches for the mask in his pocket and puts it back on his face. He rests his hands on his knees and they are quiet again for a minute, both staring at the ground.

“Naruko, I…” He wants to apologize, but a simple _‘I’m sorry’_ seems so insufficient for the damage caused. He can barely look at her right now and he can only imagine that it’s even worse for her. His voice sputters out into silence once more.

“I know it was the rock,” she mumbles.

Which reminds him of its existence. He’s about to suffer a full-blown anxiety attack, but his panic is promptly swept away when he remembers that the stone broke on impact with the floor.

Kakashi doesn’t quite know how to respond to her. Yes, _technically_ the stone forced his actions, but that doesn’t change the fact that he was the one to carry out the compulsion. That quick excuse of _'something else made me do it'_ doesn’t sit well with him.

“I just wanna go home,” Naruko whispers. She seems to be slipping into a daze again.

“I’ll take you home- I mean... that’s to say... unless you’d rather me not?” he trails off.

She looks around with uncertainty, before softly sighing, “… I … don’t have any clothes.”

He looks over to the remains of her clothing and cringes at the sight.

That’s right. They’ll have to go through the gates. The morning shift shinobi must have already taken their posts, so there’s no way he can sneak past during the shift rotation. He thinks of taking her through one of the underground ANBU tunnels, but he is forbidden to do so since she has zero clearance and he’s already been discharged from service. They would both be screwed if another ANBU member caught him down there with an unauthorized shinobi. Not to mention that Naruko most likely doesn’t want to be traveling alone with him through deep, dark tunnels right now.

“…I could get some clothes for you from your apartment?” he offers, but the sudden increase of tension in her shoulders implies she’s not amenable to that plan.

“...Or I can just get some from the store for you?” he asks with apprehension. Her shoulders drop and she seems slightly less uncomfortable with that idea, so he slowly rises from seiza and gathers himself to leave.  

As he heads towards the door, he glimpses back for a moment, feeling the need to say something. However, nothing he thinks of is sufficient, so he decides to just leave without risking adding further insult to injury.

* * *

 

* * *

 After Kakashi departs, Naruko feels herself fall apart. She quickly reaches over to grab an old ceramic pot and promptly vomits. The acrid smell of sick fills her nostrils and she purges until upchucked bile is replaced with dry heaves.

When she had awoken, she almost hoped everything had been a horrible nightmare. Sitting up and seeing the stains on the mattress shattered any merciful delusions she could have held.

Being confronted with Kakashi-sensei again was like a slap in the face. Logically, she knew he wasn’t going to hurt her. After all, the blue sheen was gone from his eye. But it’s so difficult to not expect him to do something out of nowhere now. When she saw his face, it was like she was transported back into the chaos last night. Back to being pinned down and violated.

Her face burns when she remembers just how exposed she was in front of him. Not to mention how mortified she feels because of her vulnerability and inability to fight him off. It’s like all her pride was destroyed that night. It’s difficult to not wish for death rather than having to look him in the eye again, knowing that he’s seen her like that. She wants to cry from shame every time she thinks about it.

She unknowingly wraps the shawl around her even tighter.

Kakashi-sensei has always been somewhat of a sore topic to think about. When she finally graduated from the academy, she had hoped that she could impress and somehow win over whomever became her soon-to-be mentor. When they first met, she didn’t really know what to think of him. She could only see a fourth of his face, the rest was covered in a mask and his headband. She had played a prank on him, but that only seemed to annoy the man. He was evasive when they were introducing themselves and appeared bored with them.

Naruko hoped that she could at least have a fresh start with someone who didn’t know her; that she wouldn’t have to deal with a cold glare or the hatred that is so often found in the eyes of the villagers. But she never really knew where she stood with him.

She knew that Sakura found her annoying and disregarded her and Sasuke was all caught up in whatever his goals were and too arrogant to even acknowledge her. Kakashi-sensei, however…

He never glared at her, never treated her badly, per se, but he always gave the impression that he didn’t want to be around her. Like he was uncomfortable with her presence. It stung to realize that her sensei disliked her, but she’s used to people’s disdain.

She was ecstatic when he would deign to teach Team 7, but whenever it came to anything one-on-one, he was so distant. Well, more distant than usual.  She recalls him quickly letting her know of some chakra control exercises, but that’s about it. Without direction, it took her months to make heads or tails of what to do with the exercise.

She had concluded that Kakashi-sensei, at best, simply didn’t care about her and held a mild disdain for her at worst. Under different circumstances, she may have believed that the indifference extended to all of Team 7, but he had no issues with paying Sasuke any attention needed to further his growth. For the most part, he showed little interest in Sakura, but at least he didn’t actively avoid her.

Naruko had hoped that her new sensei would see something worthwhile in her and take an interest in helping her progress, but it seems like she would just have to accept that yet another person had simply written her off.

Naruko exhales heavily in resignation.

Earlier, during their confrontation, him putting on the mask only helped a little bit. But even though it was easier to look at him with a buffer in between, it also reminds her even more that it was her trusted sensei that did this to her and not some random sick, demented stranger.

She’s left wondering where to go from here. What would Team 7 be like after all this? She doesn’t know if she can bring herself to be around him now. But if her actions change, then Sasuke and Sakura will undoubtedly become suspicious.

Speaking of Sasuke and Sakura, she definitely won’t be able to see them today. There’s no way she’d be able to keep up her usual personality around them. Even if she had to fake her everyday joy for the most part, at least she had her pride to fall back on. Now, since all of that is shattered, she really has no idea how to approach them anymore. She doesn’t know if she can fake it.

She distractedly wonders about the blue rock. She’s somewhat scared to even go near it, but she needs to be certain its effects are gone. It’s on the other side of the shrine, however, so Naruko needs to walk to get to it.

She shifts her body in an attempt to stand up, but soon falls back to the floor.

Her entire body is in pain. The Kyuubi’s power seems to have healed any bruises and tearing, but her muscles are completely sore. Her lower body feels strangely heavy.

Trying again, Naruko braces her hand against the wall and forces herself to get up. Her legs are trembling underneath her and her knees crack from stiffness, but she puts all her energy and focus into keeping steady.

She starts out at a snail’s pace, but her gait becomes surer and more solid with every step taken.

Naruko reaches the desk and is somewhat hesitant and scared to look, but she gathers her courage and peers over the side.

It appears that the stone is broken into three pieces and the unnatural gleam it had last night is gone as well. Instead of the light blue color it had before, it looks almost like clear glass now. She remembers Kakashi-sensei mentioning it giving off energy, but after studying it closely she can’t sense anything.

She quietly releases a sigh of relief.

It may not change what happened, but it puts her heart a slightly at ease.

She looks over to the side and spots the sheet outlining the items in the shrine. They’ve yet to report back to the mission’s desk with it. She wonders about whether they should list the stone. She figures it’ll be necessary to tell them about the other items in the hidden drawer, but if they mention the stone…

_‘If they know about the stone then they’ll know what happened. How else could we possibly know about its effects? They’d want to know why and how and …. No, no, no, no….’_

Naruko is suddenly struck by a fit of anxiety.

She falls to her knees and clutches the material at her chest over her heart. She can’t imagine having to tell people. She wouldn’t. She _couldn’t_.

It seems harder to get air into her lungs; her breaths are coming faster and faster and her eyes are burning.

_‘No. There’s no way I can tell anyone. I just can’t. If I do then people would know and then Jiji...’_

The thought of having to talk to the Sandaime about this makes her stomach churn and is almost enough to cause her to vomit again.

_‘What if sensei’s out there telling the Hokage right now?!’_

She can feel the hard thumping of her heart underneath her clenched fist and can scarcely hear anything other than the blood rushing in her ears. She’s breathing so fast, but it’s still like she’s suffocating. She feels her mind is going white with panic. In the midst of her terror, she hears someone's voice. It keeps getting louder and she focuses on it until she can discern what’s being said.

“Naruko!” she hears above the loudness of her mind. Gradually, her breathing slows to further focus on what's being said.

“Naruko, you have to listen to me. You’re breathing too fast, you need to slow down. focus on slowly breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth.”

“Did you tell anyone?” she asks frantically in between her rapid-paced breaths.

“What? I told you I wa-”

“Did. you. tell. anyone?” She sobs out, nearly falling over herself with her vision whiting out from hyperventilating.

“No, Naruko. I didn’t tell anyone. Now please, do what I asked: Breathe in and breathe out slowly.”

She tries to follow the advice. Her breath shutters a few times, but she eventually gets control of it again.

A few minutes of controlled breathing and the fog of panic slowly clears from her mind. She closes her eyes in relief as her body finally gets back in control.

 

A moment of silence passes before she opens her eyes and warily glances over to Kakashi.

He decided to stay a few yards away from her, apparently wary of coming any closer.

She purposely avoids looking into looking into his eye and she directs her gaze downward. He follows her eyes to the bag of clothes he bought for her. The dark material is bulging out from the top.

“It’s nothing special and I don’t know if it’s in the right size…,” he carefully places it down on the floor and pushes it towards her.

Naruko eyes it then slowly reaches over and pulls closer. She places it on her lap and gazes at the logo emblazoned on the front.

“I was never allowed…” Naruko whispers to herself then trails off.

“Never allowed?” Kakashi prompts.

She peers at him then quickly looks back at the bag, “I was never allowed in that store.”

Kakashi looks down, a sad and furious aura overtaking his countenance and an awkward silence returns once more. Eventually, his expression clears and the sound of him clearing his throat breaks the tense atmosphere.

“...Ah. I guess I’ll just give you some time and put those on.” He turns to leave.

“Wait!” she yells, surprising him and also herself. It’s the loudest she’s spoken since _that_ happened. Kakashi turns back around and waits patiently for her to continue.

“We can’t… please… please promise me you won’t tell Sandaime-jiji,” she whimpers.

His head jerks up at her words.

“Naruko…” he starts doubtfully, sounding as though he’s about to reject her request.

She gasps and looks up into his eye for the first time since last night, her shame and discomfort lost in the midst of her anxiety. Her frantic panic from earlier is rapidly returning. “Please sensei, I can’t. He can’t know, _no one_ can know. Please…” she begs, she can feel herself starting to wheeze again and her eyes are watering.

“Naruko, please calm d-”

“Promise me you won’t say anything?” she cries out.

Several minutes of tense silence teeters out as Kakashi seems to be in deep thought, glaring down at the floorboards like they hold the keys to the universe. She implores him with her eyes, silently begging him to have mercy on her and heed her plea.

Finally, he sighs softly, shakes his head and pinches the bridge of his nose. He looks over and scans her shaking, fear-stricken form.

“...I promise, Naruko. I promise I won’t tell anyone.”

She studies his face - what she can see of it - for a moment to discern if he’s actually being genuine. His entire aura is grave and resigned. She finds that she actually believes that he’s telling the truth and just like that, over half of the tension in her shoulders drops and she feels her distress bleed away.

After a beat of silence, Naruko looks down at the bag and awkwardly glances back at Kakashi. Now that her immediate concerns have been handled, she realizes she’s just been sitting here naked for hours with only a shawl to keep her modesty.

 _‘Well, whatever’s left of it,’_ she thinks somberly.

She wants to urge him to leave, but for some reason, her words have abandoned her now that the desperate panic is gone. She shifts her gaze from him to the bag, hoping he’ll take the hint.

Thankfully he does and quickly makes his way out of the room to give her privacy.

* * *

* * *

Outside of the shrine, Kakashi sits on the steps of the front porch and resists the urge to bang his head against the wall.

 _‘How do I keep messing everything up?’_ he laments.

He had hoped that when he left earlier, it would put her at ease, yet when he returned she seemed to be either suffering from either a severe panic attack or a psychotic break.

Thankfully, he was able to get her to calm down, but soon she was right back in her frenzy and making requests this time.

 _‘Why did I promise her that?’_ he chastises himself.

Kakashi is... conflicted.

He’s compelled by his oath to be truthful and primarily loyal to the Hokage. Falsifying a missions report is undoubtedly treasonous. If it comes out that he lied, his life is basically forfeit. The emotional masochist within him wants him to tell the truth so he gets judged and put away as he believes he should.  And he considers Naruko’s position. She needs something. Counseling at the very least, and telling the truth will get her that. However, he suspects that due to the nature of her containing the Kyuubi, the subsequent inevitable questioning she’ll receive is bound to further traumatize her.

Or at least he assumes it will. He’s certainly no Yamanaka, but after any loss or suffering he’s ever endured, he knows that the last thing he’s ever wanted to do is talk about it with someone.

 _‘Yeah, and look how great I’ve turned out,’_ he muses to himself sardonically.

They will obviously be extremely thorough and invasive to ascertain her mental well-being for the safety of the village.  Also, what happens if they deem her unfit? They certainly won’t be inclined to let a mentally unstable jinchuuriki on the loose in Konoha, but what will that mean for Naruko? At best, they’d lock her away. At worst, if they determined that she’s too much of a hazard, they would...

 _‘No, that absolutely cannot happen. Not to sensei’s child. Not Naruko. I can’t- I_ **_won’t_ ** _allow it.’_

He’s aware he needs to think about it in more depth when his mind isn’t such a scrambled mess and that even waffling on this issue is borderline disloyal, but he knows deep down that he’s already made his decision.

And he’s already made his promise.

When he looked over and saw Naruko’s pleading, teary eyes, and trembling body, he couldn't reject her request. He sighs again in acquiescence.

_‘I am definitely going to die...’_

 

He hears the door to the shrine open and he turns to watch Naruko as she steps out wearing the black t-shirt, sweats and flats that he got her. Thankfully everything seems to fit, albeit the clothing is slightly baggy. She’s holding the bag from the convenience store and it looks like her old, torn, clothing is stuffed into it.

He signals to her to wait a moment as he goes back into the shrine to pick up the completed catalogue papers and put the drawer and figurines back into the desk. He looks to the side and pauses at the broken shards of the stone and the letter. Ultimately, he decides to just pocket them both. He’ll discard the stone somewhere safe and he still needs to decode the note.

He remembers the mattress with the stains. With a kunai, he carves out the layer of stained material and promptly burns it. Then he rolls up the futon, ties it securely with a cord, and places it behind some boxes in the storage closet.

When he’s done he heads back outside and Naruko is standing quietly right where he left her.

There’s a brief standoff before she shifts closer to him.

“So, what’s the plan?” she asks.

Kakashi thinks for a moment before just settling with something simple.

“After we check into the village at the front gates, I’ll drop you off at your apartment. You don’t have to go to the missions desk or the Hokage with me. I’ll just tell him you were exhausted and passed out.”

She has a contemplative look on her face for a couple of seconds.

“But I have to walk through the gates, though…” she says.

And this whole situation has him really off his game because it takes him way longer than it should for him to understand why that matters.

Of course. The gate guards will see her walking and the story with the Hokage won’t match up. Unless...

“If… you could act like you’re asleep,  I could just carry you on my back…?” he awkwardly asks.

Her eyes widen with fear at the suggestion, but she quickly steels herself and glances down with a pained look on her face.

“I… I guess I can…”

She tentatively walks towards him. He tenderly takes the bag from her hand, crouches down and turns his back for her to climb on.

He can sense her hesitation as she stands behind him, but she eventually rests her hands on his shoulders and straddles his back. Kakashi idly ponders on how she barely weighs anything as he gently uses his hands to secure the bottom of her thighs and he feels her body slacken as she feigns unconsciousness.

And then they’re off through the trees.

The trek through the woods is surprisingly short and Kakashi focuses on the simple act of jumping from branch to branch, so his mind is blessedly clear of anything other than the task at hand.

They make it through the gates with a basic inquiry from the guards who take the excuse of Naruko’s exhaustion with ease.

The regular streets are congested with people going on their daily errands, so he takes to the rooftops, which dramatically shortens their journey to her apartment.  When they arrive, he pauses before entering since she seemingly didn’t want him to be there earlier, but he feels her head shift against his shoulder in a slight nod and he quickly maneuvers his way through the window.

Once they’re inside, he softly lays her down on the bed, sets down the bag of ruined clothes, closes all the curtains, and sets both protection and privacy seals around the room.

When he’s done, he looks over to Naruko. Her back is turned to him and she’s lying in fetal position. Kakashi feels the obligation to say something, _anything_ to her, but the words just aren’t forthcoming.

He shakes his head at himself in disappointment and leaves in silence to report the mission to the Hokage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. Any comments and/or kudos are greatly appreciated!


	3. Ita, hoc est Infernum...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Chapter title (Latin) translation: "So, this is Hell..."_

It’s only after Naruko hears Kakashi-sensei leave that the tight band of pressure around her chest loosens and she can breathe freely.

Strangely enough, it’s still difficult for her to fully comprehend what happened last night.

It feels somehow wrong that everything can continue on as normal after such an experience. A huge part of her is having problems even accepting that it happened. None of it feels real, but her mind immediately flashes back to the substances she found between her legs when she woke up in the shrine. It seems that the world won’t even allow her the slightest room for delusion in order to give herself some peace of mind.

She had been so careful at the orphanage.

Assault wasn’t exactly rare for unclaimed, unloved children and she remembered seeing more than a few of them dealing with the aftermath.

“Safety in numbers” never quite worked for her since she never had any buddies to make up the “numbers” bit, but she’d made sure she never stayed out late and she never wondered to any unoccupied areas or alleyways.

The villagers despised her, but none of them were bold or suicidal enough to risk their lives by trying something in broad daylight with witnesses around.

She recalls the other orphans talking about it being a good idea to use the toilet afterward. Apparently, they’d been given the advice from the pretty ladies in the red-light district.

But the very thought of getting up out of the bed is strenuous all on its own. She has to spend a good while just building the willpower to sit up and slide off the bed.

Each step she takes feels like she’s trudging through mud, but she slowly and surely makes her way to the washroom.

After she does her business, she realizes that there are dark red streaks in the water. Blood. No doubt from whatever physical damage was done down there last night.

When she finishes up, Naruko goes to the sink and looks in the mirror. It’s disturbing that she doesn’t feel like she’s looking at herself when she sees her reflection, so she quickly averts her eyes.

While soaping up her hands, she feels something under her nails. She brings her hands to her face and studies them to see what it must be. At first glance, she has no clue. It’s kind of red and feels somewhat thin and rubbery. Suddenly, the answer slams into her and she yelps in disgust.

It’s Kakashi-sensei’s  _skin_.

 _‘Ugh! No no no no…’_ she quickly throws her hands back under the spray and scrubs her nails and fingers urgently until they turn red from friction.

“Get off, get off, get off, come on, just get off,” she grits her teeth and whispers to herself, voice breaking on the words as she keeps scraping at her hands, but there’s still some dried blood on her fingers and trapped in the cuticles of her nails.

“Please, please, please, please just get _off_ ,” she sobs out. There’s a strong pressure in her head and neck, her breathing is all out of whack again and she just can’t calm down. Her eyes and cheeks feel wet and hot, her hands are trembling too much to be able to wash them properly.

She keeps scraping at her fingers until one of her nails accidentally catches on the cuticle of another nail and it rips into her skin. There’s a flash of pain and a quick flood of red liquid rapidly oozes out of the exposed dermis.

“Shit! Damn it. **_Damn it_ **!” she turns the faucet off, then punches the hard countertop in irritation until she can feel her knuckles throbbing.

She’s fed up with trying to clean her hands and all at once she realizes that even she gets them clean, it’s still not enough.

She’s covered from head to toe in _him._

Naruko frantically rips off the clothes he bought her and runs into the shower. She turns the valve to the hottest temperature available then gets to work at scrubbing every inch of her body that she can reach. She scrubs and scrubs but nothing feels like enough. Deep down she knows it never will be.

Because he wasn’t just on her, he was _inside_ her. There’s no way to erase that.

Gods, there’s probably still residue.

There’s no way to erase the fact that some part of her even seemed to have enjoyed it. In the moment, she was grateful for the escape from the pain, but now in the bright and damning light of day, she’s only left with the strong feeling of shame.

She must be sick and twisted for her to have felt any pleasure from that.

The villagers must have been right about her. They knew the truth of her depravity before she did.

Sure she’s not the demon fox, but...

There’s something wrong with her. There has to be...

Something corrupt. Perverted.

_‘I’m such a freak…’_

She feels disgusted with herself and - more than anything - wishes she could rip her skin off or just be anyone or anything other than herself right now. She’s trapped in this violated body and has no way of being free of it.

She desperately scrapes at her skin until she can feel the water stinging from all the numerous cuts she just made on it. It’s only then that her anxiety finally ebbs away.

She knows that the scratches will heal in a couple minutes, but for now the physical pain gives her respite from the mental agitation.

In the wake of the panic attack, her eyes start to burn with tears again and her body is exhausted. Her mind feels like such a mess. One moment, she’s thinking clearly and the next moment she’s a full-on nervous wreck for no discernable reason.

Her back hits the shower wall; she slides down the tile floor and wraps her arms around her knees.

She sits there, eyes closed, for what seems like forever until her sobbing finally winds down.

 

In the aftermath of the hysteria, her mind is blissfully numb and she can actually think again without all the noise of panic clouding her brain. Her thoughts idly float to other trivial little things.

She focuses on the slight rust she can see on the shower valve and the bent edge of the shower curtain. The suds on the whittled away bar of soap and the drop of liquid running down the bottle of shampoo. There’s no rhyme or reason for what her attention shifts towards. Her mind simply strays to whatever subject it likes. She is appreciative of it for the moment.

However, the unfortunate downside to wandering thoughts is that they can just as easily wander right back into sore topics and she finds herself suffering that consequence within only a few minutes.

After her recent episode, she can’t imagine being able to go to practice tomorrow. She’ll have to walk through the streets and feel the force of everyone’s stares and hatred like usual. She doesn’t know if she can survive that after last night.

Not to mention, that she’ll have to face Sasuke and Sakura. She feels like they’ll be able to tell that she’s tainted at a single glance.

 _‘They’ll know that I’m…’_ She groans into her hands.

She can already feel the embarrassment.

_‘Sasuke... Sakura...’_

She was supposed to meet them this morning to check in and make sure they’re alright.

She didn’t keep her word.

She broke her promise.

Broke her _nindo_.

Naruko lets out a pained, humorless laugh.

As though she hadn’t had enough already taken from her. What good is she if she can’t even keep her word? It’s the only valuable thing she had to give and now it’s worthless.

She bangs the back of her head against the shower wall in frustration.

She loathes how weak she feels, how she has no control over her emotions anymore.

An indeterminable amount of time later, Naruko opens her eyes. The water is ice cold and there’s no more steam in the bathroom. Even though she’s probably been in there for hours, she still feels sullied and unclean. She sighs and gets up.

_‘There’s no point staying in here.’_

Naruko turns off the shower, briskly towels off, and exits the bathroom.

When she walks out, she just stands there not knowing what to do next. It’s like her brain is delayed.

_‘Come on, this isn’t supposed to be hard! So I just showered… what do I usually do after... I dress?’_

She sighs again in exasperation with herself and goes to put on her pajamas. Her mind just isn’t cooperating with her.

Now she’s done getting dressed, but again, she’s just left aimlessly standing there.

Her body is suddenly restless and paces back and forth a bit, but it doesn’t provide adequate relief from her agitation. The quiet of the apartment is unbearable for some reason, so she starts humming to distract herself, but it’s still not enough. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees her radio sitting on the wall unit and swiftly turns it on.

The sounds droning in the background eases her antsiness a little. She gets on her bed and simply listens to the rhythm and intonation of the speakers’ voices.

Naruko doesn’t know how long she spends zoned out, but when a loud and peppy commercial comes on she snaps out of her trance.

According to the low level of light coming in through the curtains, it’s already night.

_‘Didn’t know it was possible to lose track of so much time...’_

After she switches the room lights on, her eyes catch on the convenience store bag filled with her old jumpsuit and she salt water is already brimming in her eyes.

She walks over and kneels down next to the bag to fish out her old jacket.

The zipper is ripped off one side and the left sleeve is torn all the way down. She turns it around and sees that the swirl insignia on the back is scratched through, likely from the branches on the grass she skidded across when Kakashi-sensei kicked her.

She remembers when Jiji gifted it to her. He had asked her what her favorite color was and she said “orange”. He had seemed reluctant to accept that answer, which had confused her at the time, until he showed up with the jacket.

He didn’t give her any details for the styling or the symbol but he _did_ say something about it being made: “for who you are” he had said.

She still doesn’t quite understand what he meant, but she got the impression that it was meant to represent her somehow.

 _‘How fitting that it’s destroyed…’_ she morbidly jokes to herself.

She scoffs at the thought, roughly wipes the tears from her face and stands up.

Weary and annoyed with the endless crying along with the cyclical dark thoughts, she decides on just not thinking at all. Naruko throws the bag of ruined clothing in the waste bin and hesitates for a second before throwing in the jacket as well.

She shuts off the radio along with the lights and heads to bed for a, hopefully, blissfully empty sleep. 

* * *

 

* * *

 Surprisingly, the cool, sterile air of the hospital lobby does wonders to help quell Kakashi’s leftover anxiousness from his meeting with the Hokage.

It went better than he expected. Fortunately, the Sandaime was fairly busy when he went to make the report and easily accepted his reason for Naruko’s absence. Apparently, the idea of Naruko working herself to exhaustion was very credible. He is grateful for the interruption by the random chunin. If not for them, he may not have had the fortitude to continue the ruse.

Speaking of Naruko… he’s currently attempting to keep his mind carefully blank from anything regarding her right now. Which is a seemingly futile endeavor since the smell of her is still lingering on his body. His Hatake senses aren’t allowing him to ignore the scent.

After his meeting with the Hokage, he had wanted to just go home, take a shower and maybe contemplate on the sweet release of death, but he remembered Sasuke and Sakura were being discharged from the hospital late in the morning.

They don’t really need him to meet up with them over such small injuries and on any other occasion, he wouldn’t have even thought of doing this. Normally, he’d have just watched the hospital entrance from afar to check on them, at most. However, he feels somewhat obligated to be here in Naruko’s stead since she promised them and is now out of commission through no fault of her own.

His hand moves towards his Icha Icha out of habit, but he stops himself when he realizes what he’s reaching for. He certainly doesn’t need to read about intercourse right now.

He walks up to the desk clerk.

“Good morning. I was wondering if perhaps you knew when Haruno Sakura and Uchih-”

“They’ll be out in a few minutes,” the clerk bites out sharply. Apparently in an annoyed mood for some unknown reason.

 _‘Well, alrighty then…’_ Kakashi warily pivots away from the cantankerous woman and stiffly sits in one of the waiting chairs.

Without anything to occupy his mind, it’s fairly difficult to keep from thinking back to last night. He tries to focus on the ticking of the clock on the wall, but the noise soon aggravates him.

His hand impulsively reaches for the book again and he’s slipped it out of his flak jacket and cracked it open before remembering himself. He quickly puts it back and places his hands on his lap, but he snatches them back as soon as he feels the broken stone pieces in his pocket. He raises his hand to rub at his forehead but ends up just banging his hand against the metal of his hitai-ate. He ultimately decides on placing his hands on his knees to keep them from fidgeting.

When he looks up he sees a snot-covered child and his mother eyeing him like he’s insane. When they see that he’s noticed them, they quickly turn their attention elsewhere.

A couple of minutes later he hears a door to his right opening and he looks over to see Sasuke - with a bandage wrapped around his knee - strolling into the lobby, and Sakura - sporting some kind of salve on her head - close on his heels.

Kakashi gets up to greet them.

“We could go the mall and maybe watch a movie… How about a restaurant? Wouldn't that be nice, Sasuke-kun?”

Sasuke seems to be successfully ignoring her and is keeping his quick stride until he sees Kakashi standing there and halts in his steps. To the average person, Sasuke’s expression probably seems just as stoic as it was a moment ago, but Kakashi can tell he’s surprised.

“Nee, Sasuke-kun? What’s wrong,” Sakura asks. She follows his gaze and spots Kakashi as well.

“Eh?? Kakashi-sensei? What are you doing here?” She questions, he can see her eyeing the lobby. “And where’s Naru-baka? Let me know, so I can hide.” She jests.

He’s surprised by how quickly his temper flared.

Before yesterday, such a harmless quip wouldn’t irk Kakashi so much, but his immediate reaction now is to defend Naruko. Of course, he naturally had a protective instinct before with her being his student and all, not to mention being his sensei’s daughter, but it feels like it's tripled over the course of a day.

But he’s supposed to be acting normal, so he forcibly pushes down his inclination to come to Naruko’s defense in her absence.

“Ah, I’m afraid she pushed herself too hard last night at the shrine and passed out from exhaustion. I assumed she’d want you two to know why she couldn’t keep her promise.”

“Oh, that idiot. Of course, she’d do something like that. I swear she’s gonna hurt herself one day,” Sakura scolds. “It’s not like her to break a promise though…” She says with a concerned expression on her face. She’s scanning the lobby again like she expects Naruko to show up at any minute.

“Hn, what a loser,” Sasuke scoffs and glares at the wall “It’s not like I care whether the idiot shows up or not.”

And he’s apparently he’s had his fill of the conversation because he’s already walking away before even finishing his sentence.

Sakura looks conflicted for a moment, like she wants to question Kakashi a little more, but ultimately she decides to go after Sasuke. “See you tomorrow morning, Kakashi-sensei!” she yells while running after her crush.

 _‘...Tomorrow morning…’_ Kakashi feels dread at the very thought of it.

He should have told them that practice was canceled. He has no clue whether Naruko is going to be able to make it and if she’s missing in the morning, that’ll just prompt a bunch of other questions. _‘Hindsight is 20/20,’_ he thinks to himself as he stalks out of the hospital.

 

With no further obligations hanging over his head he rushes straight home for the express purpose of showering. He needs to get Naruko’s scent off before he loses his mind.

He quickly enters his apartment and makes haste to the shower. It’s only when he’s under the spray of the hot water that he feels a sting across his arms.

Scratches along his shoulders and arms from Naruko fingernails.

He is appreciative of the pain. It gives him something to focus on other than what his brain immediately wants to jump to. The sound of the falling water fills his mind; it shuts off and empties of all thought. He snaps out of his daze after a long while and realizes that the water is freezing.

He doesn’t notice just how long he stayed in the bathroom until he walks out and sees the clock indicating that it’s already mid-evening. With a sigh he towels off and gets dressed.

He’s throwing his clothing in the washing machine when he feels the shards of the stone in the pocket of his pants again.

He carefully takes them out, along with the note from the shrine, and sits on his couch to further inspect them.

Like he initially noted, the stone seems to have lost whatever power it was emanating. The shine is gone and its beautiful fluorescent blue color has faded to translucence. He puts the shards to the side to read what he hopes to be a letter explaining what happened. He opens his Sharingan eye and unfolds the note.

Well, the words on the paper are easily visible now, but the prose is written in what seems to be an old dialect of the common tongue.

Kakashi sighs for the thousandth time today in the last twenty-four hours and settles in to scrutinize the words.

A few hours later and he has the workings of what seems to be some kind of short poem:

 

_“Mischievous Inari,_

_the Full mother who nurtures and sees_

_and weaves the lovers tight_

_and endlessly._

_Blessed stone,_

_crafted from the tears of star and sky_

_Pray heed to and honor thy mother once_

_with their mortal bodies.”_

 

He would bet a thousand ryo that he likely mistranslated quite a few words, but that is the general gist he gets from the writing.

He doesn’t recognize the style or rhythm of the poem. It doesn’t rhyme and it certainly isn’t a haiku, but it must be adhering to some long forgotten set of creative writing parameters. He doesn’t recognize this _Inari_ goddess either.

From what he can discern from the poem, it seems as though the stone was meant primarily for copulation. Perhaps a type of charm given to lovers or maybe it was used in ritual to honor a long-forgotten goddess. Either way, the poem said “honor thy mother **_once_ ** ”, so he feels that he can safely put to rest the concern of the stone wreaking havoc again.

However, even with the poem backing up the theory of the stone being harmless now, he still doesn’t like it being around. It’s an uncomfortable reminder of last night.

He wonders what he should actually do with it now. He knows what he _wants_ to do to it. Maybe smash it into a hundred little pieces, set it on fire, and flush it down the toilet. Perhaps bury it deep in the earth on one of the training grounds.

He shakes his head at the thought. There’s a better way.

Kakashi goes over to his weapons pouch and slips an S-rank item containment scroll out. He takes the pieces of the cursed stone and letter and seals it. He goes the extra mile and makes it a blood seal, just to be sure.

He slices the tip of his finger with a kunai and finishes the containment seal, next he uses what’s left of the cut for summoning. He gives Pakkun the scroll and tells him to put it in the safest, most secret hiding spot he can find and bury it. “I want it to be so hidden, that even the Sage of Six Paths couldn’t find it.” The dog looks at him questioningly, apparently waiting for some kind of explanation for the seriousness of his boss’s demand. But Kakashi’s expression shows that he’s not in a caring-and-sharing mood and he’s not going to budge, so the pug concedes and goes to obediently fulfill his task.

 

Once Pakkun has left, Kakashi finds that the apartment is too stifling without anything to occupy his time, so he heads back outside and towards a familiar landmark. The sun has gone down by now and the traffic in the streets is less than this morning. Still, he again decides to travel across the rooftops instead of mingling with the general populace.

He lands just outside of the clearing of the memorial stone, but for some reason, his feet just can’t guide him to it. It feels too disrespectful now, to stand there in front of Minato and Kushina’s memorial after defiling their child.

Thinking about it in such blatant terms is an extreme shock to Kakashi’s system. It’s what he’s been trying so hard to keep himself from acknowledging.

The phantom feeling of Naruko’s small body under his keeps trying to make its way to the forefront of his mind.

The memory of her struggling against him and trying to push him off continues to haunt his mind.

His limbs operating and performing actions without his consent.

The feeling of being trapped within his own body, screaming and pushing to take control and being unable to.

The complete and utter trespassing of bodily autonomy.

It’s what he’s been distracting himself from thinking about all day with the fidgeting, the excessive showering, deciphering the note. He’s been trying to occupy his mind, to drown it out with any and everything. It’s only his refusal to face what’s happened that’s allowed him to run on autopilot all day.

 _‘I’m a rapist,’_ he thinks, horrified.

 _‘I raped a child… I_ **_raped_ ** _Naruko.’_

Of course, he already knows this, but saying it to himself with that specific wording causes Kakashi’s knees to buckle out from under him. He dazedly lowers himself to the grass to stop himself from falling over.

He’s usually good at this “avoidance” thing. He’s operated like that for his entire life, after all.

He ignored how his father’s suicide made him feel and diverted his attention to training and becoming a rule-abiding shinobi. He ignored Obito, Rin, Kushina, and Minato’s influence on his life until they were all dead and gone. Even after they died, he ignored the grief he felt in their absence and put everything he had into Anbu. When all else failed, he ignored everyone by stuffing his nose in a book.

That’s not an option now. He’s been honorably discharged from service with Anbu, so he can’t disappear into working till he drops. Icha Icha isn’t a solace anymore since it hits too close to home. And now he can’t even step foot near the Memorial Stone without feeling like a fraud. Not to mention this isn’t something that affects only his life.

He rubs his brow in frustration. His spirit is still restless. Everything he’s tried to do has failed in calming him down. He gets up, exits the training grounds and walks through the village with his head down, eye focused on the ground before his feet. There’s barely anyone around now, so he feels more comfortable to stroll through the streets.

For the first time in his life, he has no _out_ , no easy way to mentally escape the emotional turmoil of his life. All his usual distractions and diversions are beyond his reach now and completely inaccessible.

For the first time, he’s alone with his thoughts and he can’t run away.

He has obligations and responsibilities to others now. To his students, to Naruko.

Naruko...

Kakashi wonders about how she’s holding up in the aftermath.

He looks up to see where his feet have taken him.

There must be some kind of evil, malicious god of irony working in his life because he’s right back in front of her apartment.

He ponders knocking on her door and checking in on her, but he’s fairly sure that he’s the last person she wants to see right now.

Kakashi wavers on his choice of action, but he ultimately decides to body flicker to the rooftop of the building across from her abode to sit and watch from a distance.

There’s a faint light coming through the curtains that he focuses on.

His restlessness doesn’t completely disappear, but the longer he sits and stares at her apartment, the more it abates and his mind slowly calms.

He must be there for hours before he sees the low light from the window shut off. He contemplates on going back home, but somehow he can’t find the drive to leave yet.

So there he settles in and keeps watch long into the night.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They both handle their problems in some interestingly similar ways. Lots of _thinking_ in this chapter. No worries, though. We'll be returning to dialogue and actual events soon! As always, comments/kudos are more than welcome. A big thanks to all those who left thoughtful and insightful reviews. It really motivates me to keep writing. Thank you so much!♡


	4. Déchiré et Effiloché

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Chapter title (French) translation: "Torn and Frayed"_

Looking down at the irate Uchiha and Haruno waiting on him is really making Kakashi regret not canceling this whole damn thing.

He contemplates on just leaving, but he knows that he can’t. Despite his perpetual nonchalant facade and seeming disinterest in teaching his students, it’s his duty to do so and he never takes one of his missions lightly.

He listens as Sakura goes on a spirited rant about his habitual tardiness, but he’s not really hearing her.

He’s exhausted after staying up all night gazing at Naruko’s apartment. He can feel his eyes burning and like the skin of his lids are scraping against his eyeballs with every blink. It was stupid of him, of course. Careless. Shinobi need to maintain the well-being of their physical bodies. Anything less can make them a jeopardy to the mission and a liability should their services be needed immediately or during a time of crisis.

He just decides to add this to the list of things he’s been screwing up lately.

Skipping his morning routine of going to the memorial stone was… strange, to say the least.

For so many years, that was a staple of his day. It was something that he just had to do. He still has the urge, but the shame keeps him from seriously considering visiting again.

Strangely enough, he finds none of that trepidation when he attempted to visit his father’s grave. Unlike his teammates and teacher, Kakashi never glorified the image of his father after his death. In fact, it was somewhat the opposite. All of Hatake Sr.’s glaring faults and mistakes are imprinted in Kakashi’s brain. Both of them, disgustingly flawed individuals who have roiled in their own guilt at some point in their lives.

It makes sense that he feels welcome there.

Kakashi’s been waiting up here in this tree for Naruko to show up. She’s usually here first and if she’s ever actually tardy then it’s certainly doesn’t take her this long to arrive. Sakura and Sasuke are bound to have invasive questions for her if she attends today’s training lesson.

He stays on the branch and waits there for another hour. Sakura is practically fuming by the time he finally decides that he can’t stall any longer and jumps down from the tree.

“Yo!”

 _‘Never seen Sakura’s face turn that shade of red before,’_ Kakashi muses as he watches her eye twitch and hands unconsciously clench into fists. He gets ready for the onslaught of accusations that she’ll, no doubt, deliver.

“How… _dare_ you? You’re-” she pauses and glances up at the placement of the sun. “Nine hours late! Who raised you? Why are you like this?!”

_‘Wow. She must be really angry if she’s foregoing any and all etiquette. Usually, she’s more careful and stows away her resentment better than this.’_

He surprised at his strong urge to chuckle at the creative barrage of insults she’s throwing his way. He didn’t know he could feel any humor after what happened. His mind skips to Naruko and his amusement immediately sobers.

 _‘Yes, sure, Kakashi. Laugh it up while your student is out there trying to recuperate from rape. From_ **_you_** _. Truly, sensei-of-the-year.’_

He looks over to Sasuke and can see that he’s furious as well, though he’s obviously trying to keep it at bay. His attempts at a stoic demeanor are failing, however.

Kakashi claps his hands together and plasters on a smile.

“Well, since we’re all here! Let’s get started.”

Sakura halts in her beratement of him and both she and Sasuke gaze up at him in twin looks of confusion.

“Wha- but, sensei, Naruko isn’t here…” She trails off with uncertainty.

“Well, I guess she just doesn’t feel up to it today, but the show must go on, right? Now, I want both of you to spar for 15 minutes. Go!”

Sasuke and Sakura look dazed in the wake of that rapid explanation and order. It takes them a few seconds and Sasuke looks extremely doubtful, but he moves into position.

Sakura balks and anxiously looks between Kakashi and Sasuke. This isn’t how it’s usually done. Normally, Sasuke would spar with Naruko and then Naruko would spar with Sakura. After some moments of disbelief and hesitation, she gets into position, as well.

There’s a tense standoff. Neither of them really know how to approach this and Kakashi is fairly certain that he knows what both of them think about this. Sakura is probably horrified at the thought of physically harming Sasuke despite how nonsensical the very idea of that is and Sasuke is more than likely thinking that Sakura is far too weak to fight.

Kakashi goes to sit at the base of the tree and signals for them to begin.

There’s an awkward moment of silence before he observes Sasuke starting to tense for an attack when Kakashi sees a flash of yellow in his peripheral vision.

He jumps to his feet when he recognizes Naruko. His movement alerts Sakura and Sasuke. They look over as well.

Kakashi automatically scans her form. Without her orange jumpsuit, she almost looks like a different person. She’s wearing a dull, dark blue t-shirt, sweatpants similar to what he bought her yesterday.

Once she’s standing right in front of them, no one really knows what to say. He can see the shadows under her eyes, so either she didn’t sleep at all or, if she did, it was a tumultuous rest.

A glimpse from the corner of his eyes shows the stunned faces of Sasuke and Sakura. They look like they can’t decide whether to be annoyed, relieved, or worried. He thought they’d be bombarding her with questions, but they’re quiet as mice. The change in her clothing and demeanor must have stunned them.

Naruko’s eyes are downward and it’s dead-silent in the clearing. She gathers herself, straightens her hunched form, and beams a wide smile at them.

Kakashi cringes at Naruko’s obvious and abrupt change in demeanor and reflexively glances to the side to check the others’ reactions.

“Hahaha, Good morning Sakura-chan! Sorry, I couldn’t visit you in the hospital! I was super tired after the mission, so I must’ve passed out.”

Sakura’s eyebrows are furrowed in concern, but after Naruko’s words, anger overtakes her expression.

“You- you idiot, what did I tell you about doing stupid things,” Sakura yells and punches Naruko upside the head.

“Sakura!” Kakashi barks out sharply. All three of the genin (surprisingly, even Sasuke) jump at the tone of his voice and turn wide eyes on him.

His mind is drawing a blank. He just reacted without even thinking about it.

_‘So much for acting normal.’_

He scrambles for some sort of explanation for his strange outburst.

“Aww, Kakashi-sensei, you don’t have to worry about that. I got plenty of rest, my head’s fine!” Naruko exclaims earnestly.

Kakashi has no clue what’s she’s referring to and he’s not the only one with Sakura and Sasuke looking more and more bewildered by the second.

Finally, his brain kickstarts and he recognizes that she’s trying to help him explain away his reaction.

 _‘Ugh, I am_ **_really_ ** _off my game.’_

“...Uh, yes. You hit it too hard yesterday, Naruko. Honestly, you shouldn’t even be here today after such a bad injury,” He plays along, all the while realizing how horrifically truthful this “lie” is.

Sakura’s eyes snap back to Naruko. “Accident? Injury? But sensei, you said that she was only tired,” she sounds exasperated by this whole situation.

“Hn,” Sasuke adds, equally as annoyed.

“It’s not a big deal, I promise,” Naruko reassures.

“Even if you’re fine - which I doubt - Sakura, you don’t need to be making matters worse by punching Naruko in the head. In fact, you don’t need to be punching a teammate at all.”

Sakura jaw drops at the reprimand then looks ashamed. “I- I didn’t mean anything by it. If I’d known you were hurt I wouldn’t have punched you. I do it mostly by habit anyway. You know that. Right, Naruko?”

Naruko studies her for a minute then grins again like before, “Of course, Sakura-chan, duh. What do you take me for?” She laughs and pivots to Sasuke. “You better get ready, bastard. I’m gonna finally beat you today. That’s a promise.”

“And who said you’re sparring today, Naruko?” Kakashi pipes up.

She turns to him, but he now notices that she’s purposely avoiding his gaze. In fact, looking back, she’s been doing that since the incident, hasn’t she?

“It’s okay, right? We can just avoid any headshots. That is... if you’re able to beat me without aiming for my head, bastard.”

Sasuke scowls at the jab, “Why would I even aim for your head, dobe? There’s nothing in there.” He walks back over to the center of the training field and gets in fighting stance with Naruko trailing him.

Kakashi is at a loss.

They have indeed sparred while injured in the past. At the time, it had seemed to be a good idea. A way to get them used to precarious situations they may encounter in the future. If only he’d known that his attentiveness would come back to bite him in the ass like this. Kakashi can’t truly object without being questioned by his oh-so-not-really-very-cute-right-now-and-endlessly-curious genin about why they’re being denied doing something they regularly do.

He is getting really tired of the perpetual feeling of powerlessness that’s stemming from all the lying. It had felt like a logical choice at the time, but now the swirling in his gut won't go away. It’s only getting worse with all this acting. Behaving as though nothing is wrong. There should be some sort of fallout. Things like this don’t just happen without repercussions.

He’s brought out of his thoughts by the sound of shuffling in the grass. Sasuke and Naruko have already started fighting. He sighs and walks over to the tree to watch.

Surprisingly, Naruko is faring just fine in the battle. Sasuke swift, elegant, and precise taijutsu style has always been a pretty good match for her clever, blunt, and brawler-type one.

They trade blows and dodge attacks with familiarity. They know each other's moves pretty well by now.

The two are at it for a few minutes. The pace of their duel is rapidly reaching a crescendo. The strikes are coming faster and more hits are landing. A kick from Sasuke grazes Naruko’s side and a punch from Naruko scrapes his shoulder.

Kakashi can tell that the match will be over soon, this is usually where Sasuke gets the upper hand.

Sure enough, Sasuke performs a sweeping kick and knocks Naruko off her feet. She lands flat on her back in the grass, the force of the impact winding her. He swiftly secures his win by pinning her to the ground.

“Hn, looks like I win again, dob-”

before he’s able to finish his sentence, Naruko headbutts him and he topples over to the side. His hand clutches his forehead and Kakashi calls the match, but she follows up with several punches to his temple. Sasuke’s stunned from the first punch but shields himself from the subsequent ones.

“Naruko, stop!” Kakashi calls out, but she’s starting in on kicking Sasuke in the abdomen. He has no choice but to physically intervene.

He body-flickers over and forcefully pushes Naruko away from Sasuke, but she immediately starts running back towards him, so Kakashi is forced to pick her up and puts space between her and Sasuke.

“Naruko, calm down.”

He put her down and when she goes running again he rests his hands securely on her shoulders to keep her still. Her breathing is erratic and loud again.

Kakashi crouches down and shakes her shoulders to get her attention, “Naruko! You need to stop.”

She finally snaps out of her haze of rage and looks back at Sasuke.

He’s just sitting there in the grass, hand cradling his bruised cheek and staring at her in shock. Sakura looks just as surprised.

Naruko’s skin reddens in embarrassment at herself. She glares at her feet and slaps Kakashi’s hands off her shoulders.

“Looks like I got you good, bastard. Maybe you should practice more ‘cause that was pathetic,” she says with a smirk and mocking edge to her statement before walking off the training grounds.

That was certainly _not_ the best way to defuse the situation. Kakashi glances at Sasuke and notices that, unfortunately, he’s taken the bait.

Sasuke is seething and Kakashi can sense the rage pouring off him by waves. He’s never been good at taking criticism or any type of hit to his pride. Being beating by Naruko is only adding the fuel to the fire of the tension that's existed since the Land of Waves mission.

He’s been sore about their difference in progress ever since he saw Naruko demonstrating the Kyuubi’s power. Of course, he has no clue that it isn’t really Naruko that he saw then so it only adds to his already fragile sense of self-worth and fragile ego.

Not for the first time, Kakashi wishes Sasuke could see through his own ambition and self-involvement and recognize the blatant and shallow manipulation tactic for what it was.

Part of him is almost proud of the cleverness Naruko displayed in hitting Sasuke right where she knew it would hurt. He realizes that he’s underestimated her perceptiveness again. A brilliant diversion from her mental breakdown. The other part of him is wary of just how much this can snowball into a bigger issue. This rift between them is bound to not end well.

After Naruko’s departure, Sakura warily attempts to approach him but halts when he snarls and punches the ground before getting up and leaving as well.

She walks over to Kakashi, completely at a loss, “Sensei, what-”

“Alright, I guess that’s enough training for today,” Kakashi says before she can ask any tough questions.

“But, sensei-,” she starts, but he pats her on the head and cuts her off again. “It’s okay, Sakura. Sasuke’s just angry because he lost and you know how he gets. Naruko is- she’s still recovering from her head injury and mood swings are pretty much the norm for that. I’m sure she’ll be back to normal soon enough.”  
  
She looks conflicted, but just defeatedly utters, “I guess you must be right, Sensei,” and exits the training field.

Kakashi slumps against the tree, exhausted by the disastrous team meeting.

_‘That could have gone better.’_

He decides to sit down and decompress for a bit. Maybe figure out a course of action for his godforsaken life.

“ **MY ETERNAL RIVAL!** ”

_‘Nevermind.’_

“You have been very elusive as of late! I have visited your regular venues and cool, hip hangout spots, but you were nowhere to be found! How goes life, my friend?”

Kakashi is at such a loss for words. He just looks at Gai then settles his gaze at his hands.

“Same old, same old, I suppose.”

Gai studies him for a bit and obviously registers that something’s off.

Kakashi can sense the mounting questions that Gai is prepared to ask. He inwardly sighs and speaks before he gets the third degree.

“It’s not a problem, Gai. It’s just… it’s been a bad week, I suppose. Everything’ll be fine,” he reassures with his usual fake eye-smile.

Gai just quietly stares at Kakashi for a minute, then grins, squats next to him, and pats him on the shoulder.

“...Of course, my friend. But you should know that if you need to talk about anything, I’m here for you no matter what.”

Kakashi is suddenly struck with such a profound feeling of gratefulness.

He wants to take him up on that offer more than any time in the past that Gai has ever made it. He wants to let it all out and bare his soul. No one would be better to talk about this with than Gai. Who’s been there for him through all his losses and failures. Always patient and understanding. Never judgemental and constantly kind-hearted even in the face of all Kakashi’s blatant and rude dismissals.

The words are bubbling in his throat, seeking to be spoken. His eyes are burning and he doesn’t even understand why. He was fine after dropping off Naruko yesterday. Antsy and nervous perhaps, but he wasn’t this _emotional_. He hasn’t cried in years and now it’s a daily occurrence?

He wants to confess everything, but he reigns it all in before anything damning can be said.

Kakashi turns his head away and closes his eye to hide his reaction. Gai is probably already aware, but it’s force of habit to try and conceal it.

He doesn’t even know how to respond to the offer.

“...Thank you.”

A soft whisper of gratitude. It’s all he can manage and he cringes when his voice cracks with emotion.

Gai squeezes his shoulder in response then leaves after a beat. Kakashi waits a couple of minutes to open his eyes and scans the field.

He’s alone again and he finally allows the tears to leak from his eyes. 

* * *

 

The next several days are peaceful, mainly because Naruko doesn’t show up.

When he arrived home a few hours after talking with Gai on the field, he found a folded letter under the door.

It carried Naruko’s scent and contained a short message: _“I won’t be at the next few meetings. I need to fix my head.”_

He feels extremely guilty that he’s partially relieved that he doesn’t have to confront her. It’s more arduous to ignore what happened when she’s right _there_.

At the following team-meets, Kakashi uses the excuse “she’s recovering” to abate any questions Sakura may ask, but it only lasts for a while.

As one week of a missing Naruko starts lengthening into two, Sakura’s just about reached her wit’s end. At first, she was annoyed, but that quickly gave way to worry. Even Sasuke’s anger at being beaten has diminished somewhat and he’s reluctantly curious and tentatively concerned in her absence.

“Sensei, what’s going on? No ‘minor head injury’ should take this long to recover from. Have you even checked up on her?” Sakura implores.

“She’s okay, Sakura-chan. Concussions can be finicky and straining too much after one can only make it worse. She doesn’t need to be training right now. And to answer your question: Yes, I’ve checked in every day.”

_‘Well, if you count stalking her apartment from afar for hours every night as “checking in”.’_

He’s not sure why, but ever since that first night, it makes him feel more at ease. He still goes home after a few hours to make his feeble attempts at sleeping, but it’s become a daily routine to keep watch.

“I still think we should visit…” She murmurs to herself. It’s not the first time she’s mentioned visiting Naruko and asked for her address, but he’s shut it down every time.

He’s not quite sure what Naruko is doing to “fix her mind”, but from the sound of loud crashes coming from her apartment at night, he can take an educated guess. If she’s really trying to overcome her trauma from being pinned down, then she doesn’t need anyone disturbing and interrupting her focus.

It was similar for him after the cave-in with Obito. Forcing himself to traverse caves again was one of the most difficult things he’d ever done.

A burst of pride crops up at the initiative Naruko’s showing in her attempt to get over it on her own.

Nevertheless, experience tells him that she’s not in the correct headspace to be in to accept visitors.

“Sorry, Sakura-chan, but I still don’t think the stress of entertaining guests would be best for her right now. You don’t have to worry so much. Naru-chan is fine and she’ll be back with us soon.”

Sakura’s eyes narrow, but she seemingly drops the subject.

“Okay! Now for today’s lesson…”

* * *

 

* * *

 

It isn’t until Naruko is in her apartment that she feels the weight lift from her chest.

Before she went to practice, she had attempted to screw her head on straight. It took a lot of mental fortitude to even walk out the door. If she had her wish, she would have never left the apartment at all.

Now she’s thinking that things would have worked out better if she had just followed her instincts.

Surprisingly, she was actually able to sleep last night, but she was haunted by nightmares for the majority of it and woke up more than a few times. After waking up she attempted to eat breakfast, but her anxiety and subsequent nausea prevented her from keeping much down.

The trudge to the training field had been a torment.

The regular glowers of disdain felt damning. More so than usual. It’s like they all knew what happened and were judging, _judging_ , **_judging_**. The whispers and murmurs were suffocating. Every inch she moved forward, her head dropped lower and lower.

She’d halted in her steps and turned around several times intending to run straight back to the apartment and never show her face again. Finally, after the fifth time she switched directions, she swerved into an alleyway and just rested her head on the cold concrete of a building and allowed herself to calm down for a few minutes.

With all the delays, it had taken her multiple times longer than usual to reach her destination. Nevertheless, she made it. However, that was, sadly, not the end of her woes for the day.

Facing Sasuke and Sakura again was more difficult than she had ever imagined. No pep-talk could keep her from feeling like a total fraud in front of them.

Logically, she knows that they have no clue what happened. There’s no way they could. They were in the hospital during it and Kakashi-sensei promised not to say anything.

Knowing that still doesn’t stop the burn of shame that flashed through her when in their presence. Even without them knowing the truth, she still feels embarrassed around them. It was painful to even look them in the eyes.

The knowledge that they are unaware of the truth doesn’t lessen her fear. If anything, it makes her more self-conscious and wary.

She keeps thinking that she’s going to give something away. Perhaps she’ll speak in a certain way or perform a particular gesture that will clue them in and have them confronting her out of the blue. Even without saying a word about it, she feels like it’s written across her face in bold red, plain as day.

Naruko had donned her regular smile and peppy demeanor, but it proved to be as strenuous as she'd initially feared. Putting on the facade was almost impossible. She felt her grin fraying at the edges everytime she tried.

Kakashi’s defense of her had been… unexpected. She doesn’t quite know what to make of it. Sakura had always punched her like that and he’d never told her to stop before. To be honest, she hardly registers any of the hits anymore.

As for the _other_ events of the day… Well…

Her behavior is frightening her.

She certainly didn’t plan to attack Sasuke the way she did, but it’s like she lost control of her body. Her shinobi training melted away in the wake of her primal survival instinct. She barely even remembers what happened. She just knows that sometime during the battle, he had her pinned and all she saw was red.

At that moment she just wanted him off her. She wanted to hurt him for even being on her in the first place. That was all that was running through her mind.

Naruko sinks onto her bed and puts her head in her hands.

As for the incident with Sasuke… she can’t allow that to happen again. He didn’t do anything wrong, it was her that overreacted because of how messed up her brain is right now.

She’s fortunate that Sasuke is more worried about getting stronger than he is about her. For a couple of seconds, she was afraid that her bait wouldn’t work. Afraid that he would think that her erratic behavior was more pressing than the jab at his ego. That he’d care more about her than himself. Thankfully, she was wrong and was able to successfully divert his attention.

Naruko isn’t certain what Sakura thought of the behavior since she didn’t stick around long enough to find out, but she remembers the stunned look the girl was sporting.

Regardless, this is something she’s going to have to rectify as soon as possible. She can’t be freezing up anytime someone pins her down otherwise she’ll be signing her own death warrant as a shinobi. Not to mention that she can only fool Sasuke and Sakura so many times before they catch on to the deception.

She eventually decides to use her shadow clones to get used to it. She’ll train her body to not react to being held down.

After the first few attempts and handful of panic attacks later, she concludes that this is going to take more time and be much more difficult than she originally thought.

She writes a short note explaining that she’ll be missing a few team meetings and creates a shadow clone to deliver the message to Kakashi-sensei’s apartment. She already encountered him directly once today. Doing so again is just more than she can take right now.

In a few minutes, the clone dispels and she gains its memories. He wasn’t home so the clone just folded the note and slid it under the door.

_‘Alright, time to get to work.’_

* * *

 

She goes on like that, ordering her clones to pin her and training herself to not respond erratically. She only stops to sleep and recover her chakra, use the bathroom, and try her little attempts at getting some food down her esophagus.

Naruko loses track of the passage of time. Subconsciously, she acknowledges the passing of days with the sunrise and sunset, but she pays it no mind. It takes her a long while, but eventually, she’s able to be pinned down by her clones without a knee-jerk flailing and kicking. Her heart still stutters and her breath still comes a little short, but there’s no longer any hesitation or panic and she finally deems herself capable enough to go back and practice with Team 7.

She checks the time and calendar for the first time in what feels like forever and realizes it’s been-

 _‘Two weeks?!_ _’_

Naruko checks her food cabinet and notes that she’s down to one last little pathetic ramen packet. That there's even one left shows just how little she must have been eating in the past weeks. Technically, she should have run out days ago. She looks down at her arms and cringes at how slender they are. It’s definitely time to go out and restock.

She runs her fingers and cringes at how dingy and greasy.

_‘Ugh. Shower first, then food.’_

It’s when she’s in the shower that she sees some drops of blood running down her leg and down the drain.

_‘What?’_

After the… _incident_ , the spotting made sense because of the tearing. She’d been hurt down there, so it follows that she’d be bleeding like with any wound.

But it’s been two weeks. More than long enough for that to stop. How is she only noticing this now?

As a matter of fact, now that she’s focusing on it, there’s been a pulsing pain in her lower back and slight cramping in her abdomen.

_‘Wait… is this…?’_

This must be a “period”.

Honestly, no one really taught her about the intricacies of being female. Her knowledge of what a period is only extends to knowing that it means you bleed once a month for a few days and apparently most girls have it. It’s pretty alarming that she has no clue _why_ blood would be coming out of her once a month.

She knows that some of the girls in class would whisper about it and discreetly exchange those little packets called “pads”. They supposedly used them to catch the blood.

She’s never had one before, so she has nothing in the apartment like that.

When Naruko’s done with the shower, she just uses paper towels as a makeshift pad while she gets ready and goes out to buy some much-needed groceries and, hopefully, some feminine products to help with this period stuff. The pressure feels uncomfortable between her legs and she idly hopes that the actual pad isn’t like that.

Outside of the apartment, it’s late afternoon. Her destination is one of the only stores that allows her to shop. It’s in one of the poorer districts. The shopkeeper usually looks at her with disdain just like everyone else, but at least he doesn’t turn away her business altogether.

She goes to make her way down the street but doesn’t even walk three steps before a hand lands on her arm.

She spins around in surprise.

“...Sakura-chan? What-”

“Naruko! Where have you been?” She stands there in her training gear, hands on her hips and donning a worried expression.

Even more surprising is the brooding bastard she spots past Sakura’s head. Hands in his pockets and head tilted to the side looking like he’d rather be anywhere other than here.

“Sasuke?”

He glances at Naruko out of the corner of his eye then shifts his gaze back out into the distance.

“Dobe.”

They all stand there in silence for a moment before Sakura takes a couple of steps closer to her and breaks the ice. Her eyes scan Naruko’s visage and figure and her expression of concern deepens.

“You haven’t shown up to practice in weeks. Kakashi-sensei told us you were trying to recover from whatever injury you got, but two weeks seemed pretty excessive.”

"But... how do you even know where I live?"

A mischievous light glistens in Sakura's eyes. "I have my ways..." she answers mysteriously. "So, what's going on?"

Naruko’s speechless for a few seconds before she scrambles to tell a half-truth, “Um, y- yeah, I mean, I’m okay… I felt _off_ after practice that day and rested. I was so bored, I basically just trained the whole time and I guess I… lost track of time?” She finishes lamely.

Sakura tilts her head, obviously bemused, but before she can say anything, Sasuke’s head turns sharply in Naruko’s direction and he squints his eyes in scrutiny.

“Training? You’ve been training?” he questions. Naruko and Sakura both look at him in bewilderment.

“But he said you-” His voice cuts off and he looks down angrily at the pavement. She’s about to ask him what his problem is when he raises his head again. The fury from that day on the training field is back, but he’s keeping it semi-concealed under his usual serious appearance.

Sasuke glares at Naruko. “Be there tomorrow,” he demands then storms off down the street.

They both watch as he walks out of view.

“I- uh, sorry about that,” she apologizes with a blush, apparently embarrassed by Sasuke’s behavior.

Naruko just looks at her then gestures back to the direction Sasuke just left in. “Well?”

Sakura’s eyebrows scrunch up in question.

“Aren’t you gonna follow him?”  
Sakura’s countenance clears and she glances down the road to where Sasuke left. “No, I… Sasuke’s not important right now.”

Naruko’s doesn’t have time to recover from that blatantly out of character statement before Sakura continues.

“I came here because I was worried, but I’m glad you’re okay. Where were you going?” she asks after scanning my clothes.

She's so caught off guard that she doesn't even know how she's supposed to be behaving. On any other occasion, she'd poke fun and make a big deal about "the pretty and amazing Sakura-chan!" being concerned for her, but she's unprepared for the act and not really in the mood to put it on today. 

“Oh, I was just gonna go to the store and pick up some groceries. I’m completely out.”

Sakura’s eyes light up, “Really? But the general store is over there,” she points in the opposite direction of where Naruko was headed.

That’s the store that always refused her though. The one Kakashi-sensei bought the clothes from.

“I… I don’t think that’s a very good idea,” she responds, eyes downcast.

Sakura examines her somber expression for a second, “What, why not?” she asks.

Naruko could answer with a plethora of her usual bullshit excuses, but she’s just so tired of the facade and keeping up appearances. Not just from this ordeal with Kakashi, but with everything. The villagers, the prejudice, bottling it up all the time, she’s just over it. Why lie about the fact that they despise her? They make it more than clear enough on their own.

“They hate me. They just do. When I go in there they try to kick me out or they raise the prices higher than I can afford, so I go to the little one in the slums down that way,” She explains, gesturing to the road she was walking before they stopped her. “Don’t get me wrong, they despise me too, but they kinda need the money, so they don’t throw me out...”

 _‘...like everyone else,’_ she adds in her mind.

She averts her eyes, afraid to see Sakura’s reaction. Contempt, disgust, or judgment aren’t things she needs from anyone right now.

As the quiet ebbs on, Naruko feels the sting of regret at allowing herself to say something like that to Sakura. It’s her own burden to carry. No one else needs to have that on their shoulders.

She’s about to just make a hasty retreat and go on her not-so-merry way when a soft hand slips into her own. She peeks up and is dumbfounded by Sakura’s look of determination.

“Well, let’s see what they have to say if I’m with you,” she pulls Naruko with her and walks down the street towards the general store.

Naruko's stunned but allows herself to be led.

While on the way there, she watches a puzzled Sakura observing the scornful looks of the villagers and she can tell the questions the girl’s probably itching to ask her. Sakura appears to think better of saying anything and instead just tightens her hold on Naruko’s hand and they continue to the Market District.

When the shopkeeper spots Naruko, he looks ready to berate her but notices Sakura trailing right alongside her and, thankfully, keeps his mouth shut. He still makes sure to shoot a few looks of disapproval.

Naruko looks to Sakura in question and she smirks at her in response while picking up a basket.

“My mom and dad are regulars here. I doubt he wants to lose any loyal customers,” she explains when they go deeper into the aisle.

Naruko spots the instant ramen and heads directly for it before being yanked back.

“Nope, not on my watch. That’s complete trash,” she shakes her head in disappointment. “Honestly, how you have so much energy with just that running through your system is beyond me.”

“But… it’s ramen,” Naruko whimpers out.

“Yes. Which is exactly why we’re not buying it.”

They waltz to an area of the store with lots of frozen fruits and vegetables in packages.

“If I thought you’d be able to maintain fresh produce, I’d tell you to get those instead, but I suppose this will have to do. It’s cheaper anyway, which is always a plus. What’s your budget?”

Naruko just reaches in her pocket and hands her whatever ryō she finds. Sakura hums while counting it out, “Yeah, this should be enough.”

She quickly starts loading up the basket with packages of frozen broccoli, spinach, corn, onions, carrots, peas, and bell peppers. Naruko scrunches up her features in disgust and when Sakura spies her reaction, she rolls her eyes.

“I know your taste buds are probably dead from all that high sodium ramen, but believe it or not, there are ways to make this stuff taste good.”

She continues to stack vegetables in the basket and goes a little further down the aisle and picks out some meat. Naruko’s not quite sure which kind it is. When she’s done with that she moves on to another aisle and starts packing in some bread, rice, noodles and various different spices and sauces.

Naruko just watches her and fidgets where she stands. In the distance, she finds a little area of the store labeled “Feminine Hygiene”. She had never ventured in that type of aisle before, but she assumes that’s where she’d be able to get the “pads”. However, she has no clue which one she should pick or what all these qualifiers like _Heavy Duty, Extra Long, Wings, No Wings_ mean.

She’s snapped out of her thoughts at the sound of Sakura’s steps. She’s done packing the basket and is about to head to the register.

“Wait,” Naruko calls after her. This is so embarrassing, but she doesn’t have anyone else she can ask.

Sakura turns with a questioning look.

“Um, I think I need your help with something…” She trails off but gathers her nerve to continue. “I.. I think I started my… uh … my ‘period’ and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do about it. Can you help me?”

She can feel her cheeks burning and she steadfastly looks to the side and away from Sakura, but the silence goes on for long enough that Naruko risks a glance at her.

Sakura’s eyes are wide and her mouth is slightly parted in shock. When she sees Naruko looking at her, her mouth snaps shut and she shakes her head at herself.

“Geez, Naruko... Yeah, of course, I’ll help, dummy,” she says and both of them go to check out the supplies.

Just like Naruko thought, the array of different products are confusing and she doesn’t know which one she’s supposed to be choosing.

“So, how heavy is the blood coming down?” Sakura asks.

“Hmm, there’s not that much. Just a few drops, really.”

Sakura looks incredulous then just shakes her head again, “Lucky, lucky. So, ultimately you have two choices. You can get pads or tampons.”

She detects the puzzled expression on Naruko’s face, so she explains everything she knows about them. She goes over the difference in the thin ones vs. the heavy duty. She goes over the benefits and disadvantages of both pads and tampons along with how often Naruko’s supposed to switch them out. She warns her about keeping either one too long down there and the risks of toxicity and sepsis.

Naruko soaks in all the information like a sponge and asks question after question. It’s like her eyes are open to a whole other world. They’d touched on the subject slightly in kunoichi class, but it was more in context of jutsu to use for keeping menstruation hidden during a mission as opposed to anything regarding the bodily function itself.

It’s weird that there was all this stuff that she was going to go through and she’s only now learning about it.

Sakura finishes up her explanation and she decides to throw both tampons and pads in the basket since Naruko doesn’t know which one she’ll be most comfortable using yet.

It’s when they’re walking to the front register, that another very important question pops in her head.

“Hey, Sakura-chan. Why do we even have periods in the first place?”

“Well, duh. It’s for-...”

Sakura’s halts in her steps and whirls around.

“Wait, please tell me you know what periods are,” She implores, an intense and slightly scary look is in her eyes.

“...Uh, well, it’s when a girl bleeds, right?” Naruko answers, a little unsure now.

“No, I mean you know _why_ we have them, right?”

Sakura only receives a blank look for her troubles. She looks up to the ceiling and heaves a long-suffering sigh.

“Naruko, where do you think babies come from?”

“...What does that have to do with anything?”

Sakura’s hand travels to her to her forehead, but she aborts the movement and clears her throat.

“Menstruation, or period, is normal vaginal-”

There’s a gasp beside them and look over to see a woman with a scandalized expression, hands covering her child’s ears.

Sakura glares after the woman while she and her son scamper away before continuing on with her explanation.

“As I was saying: Menstruation, or 'period', is normal vaginal bleeding that occurs as part of a woman's monthly cycle. Every month, your body prepares for pregnancy by creating a lining in the womb and releasing an egg from the ovaries. If no pregnancy occurs, the uterus, or womb, sheds its lining along with the egg. The menstrual blood is partly blood and partly tissue from inside the uterus. It passes out of the body through the vagina,” she states like she’s reciting verbatim something she read from a book.

Naruko takes a minute to parse through the info.

“But how does it make a baby though?”

At that question, Sakura’s cheeks flush a dusky pink. Shy and awkward about this subject for the first time since they began talking about it.

“Well, uh, you know… through…” Her voice lowers to a whisper and she leans in conspiratorially, “ _Sex_.”

“...what?” Naruko asks. All of a sudden, her body’s starting to go numb. She has a feeling she already knows the answer, but… no…

“Sex. It’s when a guy’s- well, when a man’s _thing_ is inside a woman and he releases his seed or... _sperm_ , it joins with the egg in a woman’s womb, fertilizes it, and creates a baby.”

Naruko heart drops to her stomach. Her hands are sweaty and trembling.

There’s no way.

“So… you’re saying that if a man and woman do... _that_ , the woman always gets pregnant?”

_‘Please, no, no, no, no, no.’_

“Well, not _always_. I heard that some couples even have to try at it for years before it takes.”

“Wait, but having a period means that someone’s not pregnant, right? If you're bleeding then it’s shedding the lining thingy. That should mean it didn’t work and there’d be no baby.”

“... _Technically_. Though I remember reading that it’s common for women to have some bleeding and spotting when the embryo’s attaching itself to the uterine wall. All sorts of strange things can happen, actually. Did you know that some girls can get pregnant even if they've never had a period before?”

_‘No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.’_

Sakura straightens her back and turns back to the front of the store, “Anyways, that’s enough with the biology lessons. Let’s get outta here.”

Naruko stiffly follows her, but her mind is in a haze of panic. All she hears is static in her ears. The sound of the shop owner putting away the groceries in bags is overbearingly loud to her along with the asinine ticking clock in the background. She realizes she’s not breathing and forces herself to take in air.

“Hold on a second, Sakura,” she mumbles and walks away before she can hear any protests. She power walks straight back to the Feminine Hygiene aisle and scans the shelves for something she’d briefly spotted earlier.

There. A device in a little coral-colored box labeled “Early Result Pregnancy Test: Over 99% Accurate! Double Pack!!”.

She can’t let Sakura see it, so she sends a quick prayer of apology and discreetly swipes it and hides it in her pocket. On her way back, she picks up a pack of Cup Ramen to use as an excuse for leaving in the first place.

Thankfully, the shopkeeper was only just finishing up packing the bags, so they weren’t waiting for her. When Sakura spies the ramen she immediately rolls her eyes for the umpteenth time today.

“Naruko! I thought I said-”

“Just a few, okay? I promise I’ll eat the other stuff, Sakura-chan!” she exclaims and plasters on her trademark grin.

Sakura just lets out another sigh and grabs the pack to give to the shopkeeper.

The walk back to the apartment is a quiet one. Naruko’s lost in her own thoughts and trying to quell her fear for the duration of it. Sakura seems content with the peacefulness of it.

When they arrive, Naruko lets Sakura in. She searches the small apartment, easily finds the kitchen, and starts taking out pots and pans.

“Um… what’re you doing?”

Sakura glances over her shoulder at Naruko and shrugs, “I guess I’m cooking something for you.”

To be honest, Naruko wants to just go in the bathroom and take the damn test and either abate or confirm her fears already. The curling ball of terror in the bottom of her stomach has only increased on their walk here and she's anxious for the results, but she’s been wondering something ever since Sakura showed up outside her apartment. No... ever since she refused to trail after Sasuke when he left.

“Why?” Naruko asks.

Sakura’s hand pauses in its reach for the pan in her cupboard.

“Why are you doing all this? Why do you even care?”

Sakura lets out a huff and turns to face Naruko. She has a slight, somber smile.

“Honestly, I just wanted to help. I felt- I _feel_ like I need to. You’re my teammate and it’s only right that I should care. I _want_ to care. I _**do** _ care.”

Naruko stares at her for a while. She can sense the truth in her words, but she gets the impression that’s not all there is to it.

“You don’t have to feel obligated to do anything...”

Sakura chuckles in response, “Of course I know that, silly. Now stop worrying so much.” She twirls back to start preparing food.

Naruko sneaks away to the bathroom and pulls out the pregnancy test box. She reads the instructions over and over again to make sure she has it right, then pries open the cardboard. Two identical little devices fall out of it. She picks up one of them but hesitates at the last minute.

If the results end up positive, then her entire life as she knows it will be over…

Naruko gathers whatever meager courage she has left and shakes off the nervousness. This isn’t something that can be fixed by just ignoring it. She _has_ to know.

It’s kind of gross, but at least the steps are simple and before she knows it, she has the test on the countertop and is waiting for the answer to her burning question. The box says that there will be a beep that alerts to the results in five minutes, but with her anxiety, it may as well be five hours.

She paces the bathroom and keeps shooting glances at the test, though she knows staring it down won’t make it go any faster.

As though dealing with the aftermath of that traumatic experience wasn’t enough, now her entire life is being thrown into question. If she is indeed pregnant, how would that factor into her life? She can’t even imagine it. Being a shinobi is her prime focus and becoming Hokage her ultimate goal. She’d never considered anything like pregnancy or motherhood.

She rests her hand on her abdomen as the dread creeps up her spine.

All types of questions run through her mind. A _baby…_ if there was one, would it look like her? Would it be smart? How would she explain it to everyone? What would Kakashi-sensei think? How would she even raise it? She didn’t even know what the purpose of a period was until an hour ago, how is she supposed to know how to bring up a child? Would she even be able to continue being a shinobi if she had a baby? Would she have to give up her dreams? Who would raise it?

Would it be hated just like her?

Her mind roils at the mere thought of that happening.

She wrings her hands in fear of the results as time marches on.

Even though all those worries and fears are overwhelming, under all that is also a cautious, strange sense of hope.

 _‘... I’d have a family.’_ A hesitant smile forms.

A person she could raise and love unconditionally. Maybe he or she could love her too?... Maybe-

**_Beep! Beep! Beep!_ **

Her heart jumps at the sound. She takes a moment to shut her eyes and breathe before allowing herself to look at the results.

She finally peeks down and...

There’s a single bold, vertical, dark-pink line which indicates “ ** _not_ ** pregnant” according to the box.

Naruko lets out a sigh of relief and tries to ignore the faint pang of disappointment. She admonishes herself for even feeling that way.

_‘This is what’s best... for everyone...’_

She turns on the sink and washes her cheeks and forehead of the cold sweat that accumulated during her panic. Naruko looks up to study her visage in the mirror and feels her heart catch in her throat when she sees-

_‘No…’_

There, standing in the doorway, eyes locked on the pregnancy test on the counter.

“Sakura-chan?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Over 99% Accurate", eh? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
> 
> Phew. Didn't mean to take so much time writing this chapter, but I also didn't intend for it to be this long either, so I suppose it all balances out. Originally, this chapter was going to be way different than how it turned out, but I'm happy with it.
> 
> Thanks for all the comments and reviews, guys! You have no clue how much they motivate me ❤
> 
> eta: I went back to edit the previous chapters' grammar/spelling errors or repeated words! Sorry, I didn't notice the first time around, but I'm using _Grammarly_ now, so hopefully, I can catch them easier than with just proofreading on my own.


	5. Dream a Little Dream of Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Chapter title (English) translation: None_

The only sound in the bathroom is the drip of water from the faucet.

There are no words to express the dread Naruko is feeling right now.

Sakura’s eyes are still glued to the pregnancy test.

They both just stand there. Frozen.

“I... you were in here for a long while. When I knocked and you didn’t answer, I was worried…” Sakura explains, dazedly. She’s speaking, but her mind is obviously still buffering.

Naruko can scarcely believe it. Was she truly so lost in her thoughts that she didn't hear the knocking?

It isn’t until a few, long, drawn-out moments later that Sakura’s gaze lifts to Naruko. She walks further into the bathroom and shuts the door behind her.

“Naruko… did you know that I like to read?” Sakura asks.

The question is so out of left field that Naruko feels her brain stop working for a couple of seconds.

She doesn’t really know how to answer that because _of course_ , she knows.

 _Everyone_ knows.

Sakura was the class bookworm. If she wasn’t fawning over Sasuke, then, ten times out of ten, you’d find her with her nose stuck in a book.

Sakura must see Naruko’s confusion because she gives herself a depreciating huff of laughter before continuing.

“I really, _really_ like to read. About all kinds of different subjects. And I don’t like to forget the things I read, so I try to memorize it all. It seems pretty daunting, but it comes easily to me for some reason…

“However, even my memories can be kind of shoddy, you know? Sometimes, enough time will go by and I only get an _inkling_ , a vague recollection. Like, _‘Oh! I think I’ve read something about this before, but I have no clue what it was about or the context.’_ ”

Sakura takes a deep breath and seems to gather herself before forging forward.

“… That day a couple of weeks ago, on the training field. Something didn’t sit well with me…” she starts, voice unsettlingly calm and rests her back against the door.

“You were acting kind of weird, but then again, you’re ‘Naru-baka’, so it’s to be expected. On any other occasion, I would have explained it away somehow. That’s not what really got my attention,” Sakura pauses and her eyes flicker to the test for a split second.

Naruko’s legs are cement. She can’t move, her body is cold and numb.

“It was during that fight... the look in your eyes when Sasuke-kun had you pinned to the ground. The fear, the _anger_. At first, I didn’t really know what to make of it. I’d never seen you look like that before, but something about it… made me uneasy,” She continues while slowly walking towards Naruko, eyes still on her and studying her face.

Naruko just wants her to stop talking because she _knows_ where this is headed and this can’t be happening. No one is supposed to know.

“As I said before, sometimes I get an _inkling_. It was disturbingly familiar. Like I was seeing something I’d only ever heard or read about, but never witnessed in person. I just couldn’t put my finger on what it was, but I just had this horrible, foreboding feeling and I couldn’t get it out of my head.

It really wasn’t until a few days ago that it finally dawned on me where I’d seen something like your reaction before…”

She stands beside Naruko and finally drops her gaze back to the results of the pregnancy test.

“It was listed as one of the behavioral patterns of someone who’s gone through trauma … specifically _sexual_ trauma.”

And there it is.

There’s lead in Naruko’s stomach weighing her down. She wants to run, but her feet won’t move. It’s like she shackled to the ground.

“Naruko… were you-”

“Stop,” Naruko cuts her off and hangs her head. She can’t… she just _can’t_ answer that. Not now. Not yet. “Please, don’t ask a question about something you already know the answer to.”

Sakura scrutinizes her expression for a second, then bites her lip and nods in acquiescence.

Naruko turns to sit on the lid of the toilet and cradles her face in her hands. She hears Sakura follows suit and perches on the edge of the bathtub.

“I’m guessing it happened on the same day Sasuke-kun and I went to the hospital?” She asks and Naruko hesitates before nodding a quick affirmation.

“...But, how? Weren’t you with Kakashi-sensei? I’m sure he could protect you from any random creep. Do you know who the person was?”

_‘Shit.’_

“It- uh, it happened after he dropped me off. I… went out again that night. Careless of me, I know,” she doesn’t even understand why she’s lying. It’s like this knee-jerk reaction to conceal the truth as much as possible.

“Eh? What did you need outs-”

“Does that even matter?!” Naruko explodes. Sakura is shocked into silence.

Naruko knows that it isn’t Sakura’s intention to put pressure on her, but she feels it all the same.

“I- I’m sorry. You’re right. It doesn’t matter. Unfortunately, my tact usually goes straight out the window when I’m curious,” Sakura apologizes.

“...No. I get it. I didn’t mean to yell. I just- this whole thing is just frustrating. To answer your question: I- I was just going out to get some ramen. I guess a perverted freak saw a chance and took it.” She makes a mental note to commit that lie to memory.

Sakura’s eyebrows are scrunched in contemplation for a couple of minutes.

“If this lowlife was able to overpower you, then it must be a shinobi, right? I mean, I’m pretty certain none of the civilians could beat you in any type of struggle-” Sakura murmurs distractedly.

 _‘What?’_  Naruko has no idea where she’s headed with this.

“They’re usually more lax with civilians, but shinobi are required to have valid, up-to-date photo IDs,” she continues. “Not only that, but there’s only a certain amount of shinobi in the village at any given time, so there’s a smaller pool of people to search through.”

“...What are you talking about?”

Sakura jumps up, a strange fervor in her eyes, “Don’t you get it? We can find this sick bastard!”

_…_

“Sakura-chan-”

But she’s on a roll now and starts pacing back and forth across the tile floor, “If it was just a civilian, we’d have to sift through tens of thousands of possible culprits, but the person being a shinobi makes it easier to search for them since we’re so heavily marked in the system-”

“Sakura, listen-”

“Not only that, but a lot of shinobi should be out on missions, right? I mean, we’re at peace now and more are within the village, but that still narrows the search down a bit-”

“Sakura-”

“Do you happen to remember any features? Any at all? Nose shape, hair color? When we report it, it’ll be easier to-”

“Sakura!” Naruko yells to get her attention. The girl finally snaps out of her haze of thought and looks over.

“I’m not ‘reporting’ _anything_ ,” she mumbles out. Her head is down and she can’t see Sakura’s expression, but she can sense the surprise radiating off her.

“What? But, Naruko...”

“No,” she firmly asserts. “It’s been two weeks since then. It’s over. I washed off the evidence, my wounds are healed, and I- I don’t know who it was, so stirring up a fuss would be pointless. And look-” she gestures to the pregnancy test. “I’m not pregnant. So, everything’s fine. All that’s left for me to do is to forget. No one needs to know about it.”

Sakura seems dumbfounded for a moment before continuing, “Naruko, you _need_ to talk to someone about it. No one comes from a situation like that unscathed. And everything is _not_ fine. Your reaction to Sasuke during that match proved that.”

Naruko shakes her head and scoffs in response. This is exactly what she was afraid of. Everyone already thinks she’s weak and stupid, she doesn’t need the lecture to rub it in and that tentative yet stubborn tone of voice Sakura is speaking with is really irritating her.

“What do you think I’ve been doing here in my apartment for the last few weeks? I’ve been getting over it. Using my shadow clones to get used to it again without going crazy.  I was going to return to practice tomorrow since I don’t have problems with it anymore. I’m _fine_.”

Silence overtakes the bathroom once more for a few minutes.

“So... Kakashi-sensei knows?” Sakura asks quietly.

The mention of his name in this context nearly makes her heart stop beating, “Wha-”

“I mean, the whole time he’s been saying that you were healing from a head injury which is obviously not true. So, that must mean that he knows what happened to you and he’s covering for it. I can’t believe him! He’s an adult. A _jounin_.  He should know how important it is to catch disgusting predators. What if this freak hurts someone else?”

And Sakura is seriously giving her whiplash with how quickly she’s coming to all these conclusions. Naruko heaves a sigh. She’s really regretting her finding out about this. The last thing she wants to do is dwell on what happened and make a big deal out of it. She just wants to move on with her life.

“Sakura-chan, it’s done. Kakashi-sensei understands where I’m coming from with this. He knows I’d rather not go through all that. Yeah, I guess I could save others if I said something, and I know it’s selfish to think this way, but I- I just _can’t_ , Sakura. I just want to forget.”

She gets up from the toilet seat and looks at the test one more time before throwing it in the trash and washing her hands.

“Now, weren’t you gonna make me food? I hope you’re not going back on that offer. I’m starving!”

Sakura keeps her serious expression even in the face of Naruko’s clearly feigned sunny disposition and looks like she’s not done with the previous topic. She opens her mouth to continue.  

“Sakura, please…” Naruko begs.  She doesn’t want to think about it anymore.

It looks painful for her, but Sakura reluctantly reigns in whatever it was she was going to say and they go out to finish preparing the food.

The meal is a quiet affair. Both girls lost in their prospective thoughts.

When Sakura gather her things to leave after they’re done eating, Naruko stops her at the door.

“You won’t tell anyone, right?” A tinge of anxiety colors her voice. Sakura’s lack of response puts Naruko on edge.

“Sakura, please, _please_ promise me you won’t tell anyone,” Naruko begs.

The girl just turns around and eyes Naruko, still not answering the question.

“I know that you think it’s the right thing to do and I understand why, but I can’t do what you want me to do. Sorry, if that makes me a bad person and ruins your view of me or whatever, but I just can’t. Tell me that I didn’t make a mistake by letting you know about this. That I can trust you to not tell anyone… I don’t know what I’d do to myself if anyone else found out,” Naruko feels somewhat bad for guilt-tripping and hinting at something so horrific, but she doesn’t really know what else to say to convince her. She’s exhausted every avenue besides outright threatening her.

Sakura doesn’t appear to understand the last part of her statement at first, but in a few seconds her shoulders stiffen and face pales. A beat of tense silence passes before she expels a quick, dejected sigh and runs a trembling hand through her hair.

“I- I don’t like this. I mean, I really, _really_ don’t like this, Naruko. If it were up to me… but it’s not, is it?”

She looks down at her feet. “I still hope you reconsider this, but I can’t force you to do things my way. If you- If you seriously think that this is the best way to handle this, then... I _promise_ I won’t tell anyone.”

Sakura clumsily pulls her slippers back on, still shaken by the insinuation of self-harm.

Her hand is on the front door and is about to leave when she turns back one more time, “If you ever need to talk, about anything, just let me know. Even if you think it’s something small or stupid, I won’t mind. I promise.”

Naruko barely has time to utter a small ‘thanks’ before she’s stunned by being quickly pulled into a hug. 

Sakura’s out the door by the time she’s recovered and she’s left by herself in the quiet of her little apartment.

* * *

 

The next day, Naruko is the first to arrive at the training field. It's strange to be back after holing up in her apartment for so long, but she welcomes the change. Perhaps the fresh air and nature will help her persistent queasiness.

Attempting to eat breakfast that morning had been difficult. She’d managed to get at least a little food down, but the annoying nausea kept her from swallowing more than a few bites.

Nevertheless, the gentle early-autumn breezes quell her stomach a bit and she patiently waits for the arrival of her teammates.

Sasuke shows up about a half hour after her. His stoic demeanor is heavily in place but the slight stutter of his gait at the sight of her belies his surprise. Maybe he thought she wouldn’t have shown up after all.

When he reaches her, she gets the feeling that he wants to say something, but he stubbornly remains silent and glares into the distance with his arms crossed against his chest as usual.  He seems to still be in a pissy mood.

It’s awkwardly quiet with them not exchanging even the most basic and simple insults in greeting. Usually, she’d poke and prod at his shitty attitude, but she doesn’t feel up to it today.

Frankly, Naruko isn’t overly concerned with whatever is going on with him. She doesn’t understand what she’s done to make him so angry this time and she has way too much stuff running through her mind to even begin to parse through the enigma that is Sasuke Uchiha.

Soon, from her peripheral vision, she spots Sakura approaching the training field.

She can already sense the scrutiny and her face reddens at the thought that Sakura knows everything now. Naruko violently pushes down the automatic flush of shame.

“Good morning, Sakura-chan!” she greets cheerily. Trying to appear at least somewhat normal. She knows that she’s been acting like a completely different person since the incident, but she has to get that under control if they’re supposed to keep this secret.

Sakura looks surprised, then heavily disturbed for a quick second before she remembers herself and attempts to put on her usual exasperated expression, “Morning, Naruk- Naru… baka,” she stumbles over the usual denigrating nickname.

Her odd behavior grants her a wary side-eye from Sasuke, but he says nothing.

Hours of waiting go by and Kakashi-sensei is later than usual.

Normally, they’re all annoyed by this point, but Naruko’s stuck inside her head and trying not to feel like a bug under a microscope from the endless worried glances that Sakura is throwing her way.

Sasuke, however, starts to get restless.

It takes Naruko a while to realize when he’s suddenly standing right in front of her. She looks up and notices that she’s under the full force of his glare.

“Get up, loser. You owe me a rematch.”

It takes her a few moments for her brain to boot up and realize what he’s referring to. She forgot about that after all the drama with Sakura finding out.

“But Kakashi-sensei-,” she starts, but he’s already shaking his head and moving to the center of the field.

“Whatever. Just because he’s not here doesn’t mean we can’t spar. I’m not gonna wait all day for him to show up.” 

She can’t bring herself to really care about this rivalry stuff right now, but it’d be too out of character for her to do anything other than go along with it, so she does.

Sasuke is already in position and she barely has any time to get into a fighting stance before he is upon her.

He fights viciously. She can sense his anger; the same rage she felt from yesterday from him.

His lunges, kicks, and swipes at her come faster than she’s seen before, but his tumultuous emotions make his movements uncharacteristically clumsy.

Naruko feels more confident now that she has conquered her trauma. The uneasiness and uncontrollable tremors she’d had when battling Sasuke last time are no longer there and she settles into the familiar motions of battle.

Sasuke’s impatience grows and his moves become more erratic as he finds none of hits landing. Naruko’s surprised that her proficiency has apparently stayed the same level, even with two weeks of only her clones to practice with.

She hasn’t been keeping track of how long they’ve been at it, but out of the corner of her eye, she sees that Kakashi-sensei has arrived sometime during the battle. She didn’t even notice.

That’s not what throws her off though.

Sakura is talking to him.

About what, Naruko isn’t sure, but she can’t help the burst of nervousness that crops up at the thought of what she might be saying. Despite her promise to stay quiet, Sakura may think that it's not off-limits to talk to Kakashi-sensei about it since he knows the already knows the truth.

She breaks out in a cold sweat at the mere idea of Sakura telling him about the pregnancy test.

Naruko pays the price of a punch clipping her face for her distraction, but she shakes it off and focuses back on the fight.

Her mind is split now between trying to beat Sasuke and whatever conversation Sakura is having with their sensei. But before long she is forced to put her full attention on the spar since - after she conveniently dodges his subsequent attacks- Sasuke lets out a growl of rage before starting a new barrage of assault. 

Naruko still doesn’t understand his anger, but she knows that whatever emotional turmoil he’s going through has left him conveniently open for a split second and she makes her move.

She feigns an uppercut - a tactic that he’d probably see through under normal circumstances - then, with his arms raised to block the fake attack, knees him in the solar plexus sends him flying across the field. She hadn’t intended to use so much force.

Above her heavy pants of exertion, Naruko hears Kakashi-sensei whistle calling the end of the match, but she only mentally acknowledges it for a second before heading over to Sasuke to see if he’s okay.

He’s coughing and struggling to catch his breath. The guilt makes her heart twinge; she hadn’t intended to use that much force.

She reaches down with the Seal of Reconciliation in apology and an attempt to help him up.

It takes him a moment for his coughing fit to end, but when Sasuke notices her hand poised in front of him he slaps it away from him and looks at her with such blatant disgust and loathing that she unconsciously recoils from him.

His mouth opens - probably to say something disparaging - but the sound of someone clapping their hands interrupts them.

Kakashi-sensei stands there, a tense and strained, fake cheeriness present. “Good work, Naru-chan! Looks like you win. However, next time, please exercise some restraint and wait until I’m here to start throwing punches,” despite his jolly demeanor, there something suspiciously tense in his delivery of the statement and he finishes the request with a brief glance at Sasuke.

Naruko can tell that it’s taking all of his effort not to spit fire right now. The rage is radiating off him in waves, but he gets up and shoulders past her, seemingly about to leave.

“I don’t know where you think you’re going, but we have a mission today,” Kakashi-sensei says, keeping Sasuke from angrily walking off the practice field.

He hesitates before continuing to leave like he didn’t hear him in the first place.

Naruko sneaks a glimpse at Sakura, mind preoccupied again with what she and Kakashi-sensei may have been talking about. She barely registers the trip to the Missions Desk or the following explanation from sensei about what they need to do. Something about digging up weeds in somebody’s garden. They’ve done multiple easy D-ranks like this in the past, so the directions are fairly straightforward and she goes through the motions mindlessly while lost inside her worrying mind.

Sakura seems to have gotten a handle of most of the incessant staring, though Naruko can still sense the heavy scrutiny on her at times, from not just Sakura, but sensei, as well.

Ever since the incident, more often than not, she avoids looking directly at Kakashi-sensei. Her gaze usually falls just to the side of him or somewhere on his body simply to confirm his location or that he’s there at all. Nevertheless, being in the dark about that mysterious conversation has her eyes drawing towards him multiple times during the assignment.

She notices that there’s something off about him and can’t help the overbearing dread she feels when she spots the tension in his shoulders and fidgeting of his fingers. She probably should have warned Sakura against saying anything to him, but she’s working off the assumption that Kakashi-sensei is only aware of the situation, not an active participant of the incident, so she probably thinks he’s an exception to the rule of silence.

She doesn’t get an opportunity of a moment’s privacy to ask Sakura about what the conversation was about.

The dread sticks with her all throughout the assignment and she is mildly relieved when they finish up. She’s just about to descend into a panic again at the prospect of facing Jiji with everything that’s happened, but she breathes a sigh of relief when sensei opts for them to report its completion to the Missions Desk.

Afterward, Kakashi-sensei dismisses them for the day. She’s hoping against all odds that Sakura didn’t say what she thinks she said, but those wishes are quickly dashed.

“Not you, Naruko. Stay for a second, we need to talk,” comes an uncharacteristically serious voice.

It sounds like a death knell.

* * *

* * *

 

Kakashi is used to nightmares.

Waking up in cold sweat. Gasping for air. Names of old comrades on the tip of his tongue.

Ever since walking in to find his father’s corpse after the suicide, sleeping has never been the same again. Even if he had a chance at recovering from the night terrors, there was always one more traumatic event that would start it all over again.

It had been years after his father’s death and he’d only just been blessedly getting a few peaceful nights’ rest when Obito died and everything reset. The same cycle started over when he lost Rin and then again with Minato and Kushina.

Nightmares are commonplace. Par for the course. They’ve become a part of his identity at this point. It’s more of a surprise when he doesn’t have one.

_Kakashi is used to nightmares._

So, he really should have expected this.

He had hoped that his incessant insomnia was finally at an end. Getting up every morning and running on 2 hours of sleep max is torture. So, when his eyelids felt heavy for the first time since that travesty, he thought it was a blessing.

He should have known better.

It’s two weeks after the incident that he’s finally able to sleep.

Not the little naps and half-assed dozing he’s been doing after watching Naruko’s apartment at night. _Actual_ sleep.

And it’s during the dark hours of the next morning that he wakes up wanting to scream.

He dashes out of his bed and goes to vomit in the toilet until he’s dry-heaving. He grinds his forehead against the porcelain of the toilet bowl, wishing against all odds that he didn’t dream what he knows he just dreamt.

However, the white, viscous liquid currently leaking out of his boxer-briefs is damning.

He would call them “memories” of that night if they weren’t so vivid that he felt like he was reliving the event.

_‘The Sharingan...’_

It captured it all so thoroughly. Not only the images but the sounds, the smells, the sensations. Being a prisoner in his own body. All of the desire he felt under the compulsion. Everything.

He quickly strips off the soiled underwear and rushes into the shower.

He didn’t think he could be more disgusted with himself than how he was the day after he forced himself on Naruko, but he thinks this might just be even worse.

Gone are the dreams of Minato, Kushina, Rin, and Obito.

Sure, he’d dreamt of their deaths more often than not, but he’d also dream of team meetings and peaceful, innocent, pleasant times they’d spend together.

Now it’s all been overridden by visions of entering Naruko again and again. Holding her down and violating her.

Sour bile rising in his throat again. 

But of course, that’s not all there is to it.

If that was it, he could at least blame it on the thrice-damned rock.

But it’s not just memories of what happened that night that his subconscious is conjuring up.

His brain was creating endless scenarios of him doing all sorts of things to her. Perverted, obscene acts that he’d never done that night, stuff he never even thought of doing when under the spell’s geas. Hurting her.

Even now, he feels a slight, treacherous stirring down his length from just the thought.

There’s no magical stone to blame for this anymore. This is his own deviant, warped mind at play here.

He barks out a weak laugh at the cruelness of it all.

Apparently, it’s not enough to be haunted by the memories, but now he’s aroused by it? Look at how far he’s fallen, to be fantasizing and turned on by the thought of hurting his twelve-year-old student.

He turns the handle on the shower to the coldest setting.

Not for the first time, he ponders on Minato-sensei and what he’d think of this entire situation.

No doubt, he’d probably kill Kakashi outright if he were alive to see what’s become of him and what he’s done to his daughter. And to think he actually wanted Kakashi to be like a big brother to her. Well, if sensei thought she’d be safe with him, he was gravely mistaken.

_‘So, this is what my life is now, hm? I’m some… some kind of pedophile?’_

Kakashi punches the wall of the shower once, twice, and he keeps going and hears crunching under his knuckles. He doesn’t know whether it’s the tile being crushed or his bones. There’s blood running down his hand in rivulets and his normally pale skin is bright red and littered in cuts.

After that, his mind zones out and when he finally regains awareness, he’s sitting on the floor in the center of his apartment, dressed in his jounin fatigues.

There’s a gap in his memory and he can’t recall getting out of the shower or dressing.

A nagging throb in his hands reminds him that he damaged them. They’re bandaged and smell of antiseptic, so he figures that he must have tended to the wounds, but his conclusion comes from simple logic, he can’t find any memory of doing that.

It’s jarring to look out and see the afternoon sun shining down when it feels like it was early hours before dawn just a few minutes ago.

Not really knowing what to do with himself, he decides to just go to the training field. Sakura’s probably fit to kill him right about now.

When Kakashi arrives, he has to force his body not to turn right back around when he sees Naruko. He hadn’t anticipated that she was going to be here today of all days after such a disgusting dream. With the graphic images still fresh in his mind, facing her is the last thing he wants to do.

She and Sasuke are sparring. They must have gotten bored waiting for him to show up. He can see - even from this distance - the surprising added confidence to her movements after her time away.

Kakashi’s wondering if he should flee while he still has the chance when Sakura spots him and catches his eye.

Just his luck.

He drags himself toward his genin. And stands beside Sakura and watches the fight along with her.

Something is off. Usually, she’d be reprimanding him for his lateness, but she’s eerily silent this morning and there’s a strange tension in her frame. He gets the impression that she wants to say something and it’s nagging at him, but he’s certainly not going to prompt her to speak since he just _knows_ it’s going to be something he doesn’t want to hear.

Sure enough, she eventually gathers the courage on her own and he soon hears a cautious “Sensei…” from her.

When thirty seconds pass by and nothing else is forthcoming, he figures he may as well reluctantly throw her a bone.

“Yes?” he sighs.

Sakura hesitates for a moment before pinning him with a glare, “Naruko told me what happened.”

And at that moment, it’s like 600 billion explosion tags went off in his head. He only barely keeps himself from falling to the ground from the huge burst of adrenaline and he has to catch his breath before even beginning to form a response to that.

“O-oh, is that so?” From the suffocating fog of panic in his mind, he can distantly hear himself oddly chuckling for some unknown reason, which is, undeniably, totally inappropriate for the subject matter.

At the sound, Sakura looks even angrier, “You’re-?! this isn’t funny, Sensei! How could you have not reported it?”

Shame at himself roils through him because she’s absolutely right. He should have turned himself in at the first opportunity.  The amount of crap he’s going through is nothing compared to what Naruko must be dealing with and will continue to suffer through because of him. He’s a danger to her, those disgusting dreams confirmed that.

“I- I thought I was doing what’s best for her…” he explains. His voice is weak and barely audible, but Sakura hears him anyway.

The righteous fury in her eyes gives way to somber sympathy and understanding. He has to turn away because that’s the last thing he wants to see. From anyone.

“But sensei… how will she ever feel safe?”

And that’s the question that keeps running through his head. Even more so today than any other because of last night. He has fragile hope that the nightmare was a one-shot type of thing, but considering his luck, it’ll probably become a regular occurrence.

Sakura’s voice pulls him from his thoughts.

“Did she tell you who it was? I asked, but she was adamant about keeping it a secret. I mean, this creep… he could hurt someone else, right?”

And his mind stutters to a halt, because _what?_

“Pardon?” he croaks out.

Sakura sighs, exasperated, “I asked if you know who the person was. She wouldn’t tell me.”

“She wouldn’t… tell you…?” he queries tentatively.

“No. She just said that she didn’t know who it was and she doesn’t _want_ to know.”

All of a sudden, it’s like he’s in the middle of a battle and just narrowly avoided being killed, but there are still landmines scattered everywhere. One wrong step, and it’s all over.

He doesn’t understand why he feels disappointed that Sakura doesn’t know that it was him.

What exactly did Naruko tell Sakura?

“So… how did you find out about this anyway? You said that Naruko told you what happened but the last time I spoke to her, she was determined that no one should find out about it,” he hopes he’s being subtle.

There’s a decidedly stunned expression on Sakura’s face like she’s regretting opening up this conversation.

She’s looking everywhere other than his eye and now he’s more curious than ever about this.

It’s when her expression turns pensive - like she’s trying to figure what she should and shouldn’t say that he prompts her to speak with a warning in his tone, “Sakura…”

She finally relents and a bit of her previous anger sparks up again, “I can understand that you wanted what’s best for her sensei, but you overlooked a few key things here.”

...Well, yes. He’s fairly aware that he’s been going about this whole thing entirely wrong and leaving a young girl to sort through being assaulted by her formerly-trusted sensei is probably something he’ll never forgive himself for. However, he gets the feeling that Sakura is talking about something else, so he stays quiet and waits for her to continue.

After a moment, Sakura rolls her eyes and mumbles what sounds like a prayer to some unknown deity, “Come on, sensei… Other than psychological trauma, what other problems do you think a _female_ would encounter after having unprotected intercourse with a male?”

There are a blessed, few, short, sweet moments where he has absolutely no clue what she’s implying.  Then, what she’s saying actually sinks in and he can’t keep his knees from buckling this time.

The only thing he can feel is his heart’s rushed, loud pounding and the shards of grass crushed beneath the palms of his hands. His breathing is already becoming heavy when the sound of Sakura’s frustrated sigh reaches his ears.

“Yeah. I was shocked when I saw the pregnancy test too.”

“Pregnant…” his voice is a mere whisper. What?

**What?**

He truly _cannot_ understand how he overlooked such a vital factor. He knows that he hasn’t been operating on full power lately, but this is unacceptable.

How stupid can he be? How could he have overlooked such a fundamental and basic thing? But she's supposed to be too young for it, right? 

He remembers learning about this. There's no way to stay completely ignorant about the female body when in close quarters for weeks to months on end with a female teammate. Rin was always discreet with stuff like that though. It's been so long since then, he can't recall the exact age she was when she started carrying around those cotton pads and sticks or began using those kunoichi concealing jutsu, but she certainly must have been older than twelve.

Naruko. Sensei’s daughter. His twelve-year-old student.  Pregnant. With _his_ child.

…

There seems to be no limit to how he can destroy anyone and everything around him.

What would they do? What _can_ they do?

He'll have to tell the Hokage. There's no hiding something like this. But what about the council? The last time a female jinchuuriki was pregnant and went into labor, half the village was demolished.

He thinks of those callous, self-serving council elders. He thinks of Shimura Danzo who would probably want nothing more than to have the Nine-Tailed Fox in his clutches. He can already see the scheming bastard whispering “solutions” to the Hokage where he somehow ends up with the Kyuubi implanted in one of his drones and Naruko dead.

Even if Danzo didn't receive the go-ahead from the Sandaime, there's no guarantee that he still won't act on his own. The memory of the man’s audacious attempted assassination of the Hokage is still fresh in Kakashi's mind. Him even catching wind of this is dangerous.

Kakashi believes that the Hokage's fondness for Naruko may keep her alive but - just as he reasoned when the  incident first occurred - even though the Hokage is the supreme leader, if all members of the council, including the clan heads, unanimously determine Naruko to be too dangerous to live, then he's not certain that the Sandaime could stop it.

He'd like to think that they wouldn't vote in favor of killing her. That they'd remember that this is their former comrade's, former _friend_ 's, former **_Hokage's_ ** child and they would seek out every possible option before even thinking of taking her life.

…But the Yondaime is twelve years dead and they've moved on. They have their own families now. Their own children whose safety comes first. He can't bet on their nostalgia being enough to stay their hand. The situation is too precarious and Naruko's safety is _his_ responsibility. As Minato’s student and her sensei.

But there is a possibility that the Sandaime could argue them down to something less drastic. They may be mollified by her simply terminating the pregnancy.

If she were older they’d more than likely want her to carry to term. Their greedy hands would practically be trembling at the thought of a child with Hatake mental-physical excellence and Uzumaki reserves.

But Naruko is so _young_. Half the age that her mother was when she had her and at exponentially higher risk because of it.

He’d always seen abortion as a practical alternative if the babe or the mother was damned otherwise. High-risk pregnancies, conception through rape, inescapable poverty, mental instability, tokophobia, or simply not wanting to go through it at all. It’s not that hard to understand the reasons why a woman would want one. A single glance at his kill count would show anyone that he has no place to judge.

No one who’s made it as far as Kakashi has in the shinobi world has done so without getting their hands bloody. Especially not one who has lived through a war. Whether through direct or indirect means, he has the deaths of countless babies and children on his head. Maybe not children of Konoha, but children all the same.

So, he’s never been opposed to it in the past. At least not theoretically. However, he’s never been faced with the concept on such a personal level.  He doesn’t know how he’d actually feel about his own progeny being aborted.

He supposes it doesn’t really matter. He’ll happily back whatever decision Naruko makes.

He doesn’t believe she’d actually agree to an abortion though. She’s always longed so desperately for a family. He can’t envision her giving up her one chance at having one. At least, not willingly. 

If it was ordered by the Council, they’d force it on her. Subdue her and terminate the pregnancy while she was under. The Sandaime would definitely be opposed to using such means, but there’s not much he could do.

Kakashi doesn’t want to imagine the toll that would take on her. Her stricken face when she’d wake up and hear the news. Perhaps they’d use a Yamanaka and wipe her memory. The thought horrifies him more than he’d like.

He may have failed to shield her from the village in the past, but he absolutely refuses let it happen again. Especially when this whole ordeal is his fault to begin with.

So, what can he do? How can he possibly keep her safe?

...Maybe he could take her and run.

Kakashi knows his strength and talent. It’s not even a boast to say that he's one of Konoha's best shinobi. If it were just him on his own, he’d probably have no trouble evading capture for the rest of his life.

But this would be him plus Naruko and eventually a newborn.

Between the stops they'd have to make to rest during the latter stages of Naruko's pregnancy and how there's no real way to hide a fussy new-to-the-world infant for an extended period of time, Konoha shinobi would catch up at some point. Although, by then, Naruko should be in the clear. A safe delivery with no destruction to Konoha. The council would have no reason to end her life.

The idea sounds horribly foolhardy and short-sighted. He'd be a missing-nin. Also, considering that this would technically be theft of the Nine-tailed Fox Demon - Konoha's most valuable weapon - the full might of the Leaf's forces will come down on his head. It would be like signing his own death warrant.

His life would be forfeit. His name spit on, remembered only as a traitor to the village and a cautionary tale for generations to come.

Dishonored. Just like his father.

He's surprised at himself. To so easily consider treason after so much spending so much of his life obsessing over being an exemplary and loyal shinobi.

He looks over to Naruko sparring and can't manage to muster up any sort of grief over the thought. If it means that she'll be safe, he knows he won't regret it.

Perhaps this is how he can atone for all the suffering he's caused her. Every time he’s let her down. Whether she’s been aware of it or not. Both in the past and present.

She would undoubtedly be uncomfortable traveling with him, but if it saves her life in the end, then it would be worth it.

His mind is already racing, calculating exit strategies and decoys. Perhaps they could use shadow clone replacements in the village until they get far enough away.

It takes him a while to notice that Sakura is still talking and he struggles to focus on her words.

“-negative,” he hears her breathe out in relief.

“Sorry, what was that?” He only caught the tail-end of her sentence.

She huffs, annoyed but repeats, “I said: Thank goodness the test w-” before she can finish, they both hear a loud grunt and look up just in time to see Sasuke flying across the training field.

Kakashi whistles to signal them to stop. The last thing this team needs is a repeat of the last time they were all together.

Thankfully, he arrives just in time to deescalate the situation and cut off what was sure to be a not-so-nice statement from Sasuke.

There's fire on the boy's eyes when he shifts his attention to Kakashi. He is leaking killing intent. Pride no doubt hurt from being bested by Naruko twice now. It must be the ultimate affront for him to be beaten by someone who's meant to be the village idiot especially when his life’s goal hinges on being strong enough to battle his brother who was certainly more adept at battle at his age.

When Sasuke makes to storm off the training field, Kakashi calls after him, hoping that his authoritative tone will get Sasuke back in line, but the boy walks off anyway with barely a moment’s pause.

Kakashi inwardly sighs. This is definitely a problem. Sasuke has never been docile, often outwardly showing his negative opinion of Kakashi with his various glares, snarls, and general expressions of discontent. But blatant insubordination? This is a first.

His instincts are telling him that he needs to squash this now and not let the issue with Sasuke rest for any substantial amount of time. To not allow the boy to fester in his resentment. But he ultimately decides to leave it and talk to him about his unacceptable behavior later, when his temper has cooled.

He convinces himself that it’s the rational way to handle the situation. That he’s just being sensible by allowing Sasuke time to wallow in whatever is obviously plaguing him.

He most certainly isn’t putting off the conversation because an extremely sensitive, vengeful, irate, combative child is way more than he can handle at the moment when he’s so utterly emotionally exhausted.

He’s definitely not letting one of his student’s mental health fall to the wayside on his list of priorities because he already has so much on his godforsaken plate right now.

Totally not because he just doesn’t have much room in his mind anymore for anything other than how much of a mess he’s made of everything. How he’s apparently impregnated a child and was actively contemplating defecting not even two minutes ago.

Once Sasuke is nearly out of sight, he turns back to the girls. Sakura is looking up at him with that same desolate expression she had the last time Naruko and Sasuke fought.

Naruko is looking anywhere but at him.

It’s incredible that he’s not numb yet to the guilt.

Well, he supposes they’ll just have to do the mission anyway, with or without Sasuke’s glorious presence.

He can’t remember much of the D-rank, his mind far away. Still splintering with the news Sakura had heaped on him before.

He watches them work. Sakura keeps throwing little looks at Naruko but manages to keep herself in check for the most part. Better than him, because he catches himself staring at Naruko more often than not. He tries not to, especially when he notices her discomfort increase with every passing minute, but he can’t help himself. Without his Icha-Icha, he just doesn’t know what to do with his eyes and hands in idle moments. And it feels natural for his eyes to drift to the subject of his thoughts.

The very idea of her being pregnant with his child makes him horrified as well as some sort of odd emotion that he can’t quite place. Something anxious, terrified, excited, nervous, and impatient all at once. Similar to how he felt as a child sent on his first B-rank or the adrenaline rush that came right before a large, significant battle during the Third Shinobi War.

He refuses to think about why he’s feeling that now of all times. It must be the plans of leaving the village and certain death he was contemplating earlier that are setting his heart and stomach all a flutter.

Certainly not the idea of having a child.

Definitely not the thought of becoming a father.

_‘I hate myself.’_

It’s not something Kakashi’s ever allowed himself to seriously consider. He doesn’t know whether he wants them or not. He always figured that he’d be dead by now with the reckless way he’s lived his life, so there’s no point in wondering. Not to mention, he wouldn’t even have time for them if he had them.

Frequent, dangerous, high-ranked missions far away from home does not a good father make.

Children were something that other people had. Not him. _Never_ him. As this entire team has shown, he’s not good with them. There’s nothing he’s touched that he hasn’t destroyed, so leaving the life and safety of a child in his hands has never seemed like a smart or healthy choice.

He’d argued with the Sandaime enough to border on insubordination when he was first presented with the idea of handling the three brats, convinced that he was going to screw everything up.

Looking at his youngest student now, he was right.

He can only hope that Konoha finds them quickly after the birth. Then they can put him down as soon as possible before he ruins the poor baby’s life too.

He’s jostled from his thoughts by Sakura quietly announcing that they’re finished with their work. He decides to turn it in at the Missions Desk instead of directly reporting to the Hokage after seeing Naruko’s terrified reaction to walking towards the building.

Genin reporting directly to the Hokage for D-ranks had always been extremely abnormal anyway. Their specific team being one of only a few exceptions in the past considering the politically sensitive nature of two of its members. It had been a request of the _ever-micromanaging_ council that the Sandaime receive personal reports of all their missions, regardless of how insignificant or mundane.

It was something that Kakashi – before this latest fiasco - found to be unnecessarily meticulous and a profound waste of time. And, as he looks around at the unusually heavy traffic in the waiting room, the usually prudent Hokage would probably agree with his original opinion and forgive him, if not _thank_ him, for not interrupting with something so trivial on such a busy day.

The girls are already headed out the door, Naruko, in particular, is hasty in her attempt at retreat.

He’d like to let her so she can have that space from him that she so obviously wants and to buy himself some time from confronting this issue, but they have to talk about this. There’s no way around it. He can’t avoid it like he’s avoided every other difficult thing in his life.

He calls for her to stay behind.

He has a duty to fulfill. To Naruko, to this unborn child, and to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't mean to leave another cliffhanger, but my original plans for the chapter would have probably added another 4,000 words (and another week) and I didn't want to wait any longer to publish it. Sorry for any errors, I just wanted to get it out ASAP. It's been a while so please let me know what you think~
> 
> For those who were wondering: No, I definitely haven't dropped this story. But I certainly dropped a bottle of water on my gorgeous, only 5-month-old laptop and didn't notice until I heard the motherboard crackling ;__; buuut I _finally_ bought a new one a few days ago! So, yay! I've never set much of a schedule for updates, especially since I'm a full-time student, but I endeavor to have _hopefully_ at least one chapter out each month, but that estimate is based on how often inspiration strikes, how much free time I have, and juggling my other stories, so it can be subject to change. Also, I almost always end up updating on a Sunday for some reason (with few exceptions). 
> 
> Major hugs and kisses to all of you who have left comments. It really helps with the writing process! Love to my quiet readers as well~ I hope you enjoy the chapter ❤


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